not all who wander are lost...

The Week before Chinese New Year.

2012-01-16T22:53:00.001+08:00

I'm checking out Jipaban.com for my CNY attire and more!!

Haiya, if only I had used it for my Christmas online shopping as well...

心有一句感慨

2011-11-12T00:30:00.000+08:00

I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

Some say.

2011-11-09T00:37:00.000+08:00

Some say, that the nonexistence/absence does not signify anything. Nor hint inconsequentiality. It is merely nothing, and nothing more.

True that. However, existence/presence is that which signifies something, gives meaning.

And the more glaring thing of all?
It must be one or the other, does it not?

=(

2011-10-27T22:11:00.002+08:00

I just noticed while scrolling through my blog roll.

='(

What's your excuse.

2011-10-27T21:37:00.000+08:00

We were talking over lunch in the office today

"Why do you jog? I don't see the point. Don't you feel bored doing it alone?"

- One colleague asked.

"No, you feel like dying. But that's how you feel alive later."

- One colleague answered.

"Because you know what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

- The cliched answer that popped into my mind and did not reached my mouth.

Between the gasping for air, the aching thigh muscles, the pounding heart, and the rush of blood flowing through your veins to the head.

You can stop, conceding you're reached the limit. It's that choosing not to, that choice of the hardened, stubborn, foolish will, that makes the difference.
A little like life isn't it?
Don't Stop.

To quote Desmond saying to Jack from Lost.

"What's your excuse for running like the devil's chasing after you?"

Something (not so) dumb to do.

2011-10-21T00:05:00.002+08:00

I think I wanna marry you?

Writing to Reach you.

2011-10-16T23:36:00.000+08:00

This time last year... i was lying on a hospital bed, feeling rather miserable.. diagnosed with an abscess of unknown origin. Hah... which up to today still remains a mystery. The smart money's still on the complication from the appendisectomy 2 years prior, but having been 2 years, a long shot at best. Oh well.

A year on, just to reflect on the year that has been since the incident. I had a lot of time to myself in that hospital , lying there. Restless, feeling useless, not to mention helpless. Gosh, the sense of being a liability is something i totally despises. I wanted no one to see me in that state, or at least my ego insisted. Not exactly a near death encounter but... it changes you i guess, hard to imagine it not.

A year on, there are things i'm proud of, things i've managed to keep, things i've failed. Quarter life crisis looming i sense.

So many things are easier said than done. So much lip service. Talk is cheap and i am guilty. What a mess.

I just ~~wish~~ hope things ~~were~~ are.... reach-able (:

.......maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there's a tomorrow. Maybe for you there's a thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around in it, let it slide like coins through your fingers. So much time you an waste it.
But for some of us there's only today. And the truth is, you never really know.
-Before I Fall Lauren Oliver.

Keep Believing

2011-08-22T00:28:00.003+08:00

Sometimes things aren't the way you hoped they would be..
That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better.
It may not be easy, but take each step forward as a challenge.
Learn from your difficult times.
Grow in courage and in strength.
Keep believing in yourself.
Stay focus on all you want your life to be.
Challenges are part of life's journey that will only bring you closer to what you dream to be.

"In anything at all, perfection is finally attained not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

You know when you've found it.

2011-07-30T02:02:00.001+08:00

It's been a while.
A little anxious.
A little uncertain.
A little too expectant.

Armed with hope.
Equipped with strength.
Guarded by goodness.

I will try.
I will feel.
I will believe.
I will live.

this world is burning and i'm terrified
i need a little more time with you.

Happiness is a really warm gun.

2011-05-29T22:53:00.000+08:00

I think my fight or flight system is skewed towards flight.
But i like the idea of fighting, of winning. I'm a sore loser.
It's just that i don't know who i'm fighting with, or occasionally worse, what i'm fighting for.

I run.
I avoid.
I "siam".
Inadequacy, insecurity, in-consequentiality.

When things are crappy and unfulfilling in Singapore,
I run across the causeway.

When work is tiresome and frustrating,
I run to the private life.

Now, i've realized. I've run out of places to run.

Oh slippery slope indeed.

What are you made of?

2011-05-18T00:10:00.000+08:00

Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him. - James Allen.

wait.
Circumstances do not make the woman, they reveal her.

Don't be a sexist!

Run.

2011-05-11T00:29:00.000+08:00

Watch her run,
Can you feel it?
Watch her run,
Can you feel it?

I won't ever be your cornerstone.
I don't wanna be here holding on.

Inconsequential.

2011-04-05T23:39:00.000+08:00

small talk: i've been fasinated with the word inconsequential lately. Just saying it, the way it rolls off the tougue. Haha. Fun fun fun, random mad man, i am turning into, i tell you.

i am a flawed man. i'm nice. i hide, i cover, i suppress, i mask.

which is a paradox of sorts actually:

if i am thinking something but not expressing it, what does that count for?

if i am unhappy but smile it off and knowing full well that nothing wrong has been done.

yet it does not explain away how upset i am inside.

does that make me a hypocrite? ahhh the bliss of cognitive dissonance once again! yay.

i have a short fuse, few people have seen it because i also have a highly efficient internal bomb squad.

hahaha, it runs in the family. which is pretty interesting when you take the whole nature vs nurture thing into consideration

i have 9 uncles from my dad's side, including my dad, me, me brother and grand-dad, essentially i have a sample size of 13.

and i see the resemblance with the short fuse really.

which is totally very very amusing.

we all know how incredibly annoying it is when a fuse blows, yet, from my observation, we all do the exact same thing one way or another. interesting no?

ok, i hold 2 hands up for this next one. i am a sore loser. the will to win is a good thing i believe, it drives, motivates.

but there's a certain grace that i severely lack. oh pray you never beat me in something that i really want to win. :p

i have a ego.what can i say. i am a man, it gets in the way sometimes. but i love my pride, which isn't a good thing..

i guess when you did some stuff and didn't know what you were doing back then,

and you lost quite a fair bit of dignity along the way,

the ego somewhat overcompensates.

What doesn't kill you...

2011-03-30T00:50:00.002+08:00

What doesn't kill you, simply makes you stranger - The Joker.

What doesn't kill you, cripples you - The Realist.

What doesn't kill you, will definitely try again - The Pessimist

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger - The Survivalist.

After moving into the corporate working world, you gain a lot of new perpectives. At least i did. On life, on relationships, on pretty much everything.

Things can get a little unsightly sometimes. Negativity, politics, bureaucracy. The dark side of humanity. It's not always that dark..

I like to treat it as a Parade of horribles, that's my positive spin on things.

See something you don't like?

Learn to avoid it next time

See a person behaving distastefully?

Learn not to repeat their mistakes.

Relationships letting you down?

Communicate! Mind-readers don't exist.

Getting treated by some idiot being an ass?

Take heed and never be that ass when the oppotunity arises.

Heart drops to the sea with disappointment too often?

Learn to control your expectations, but never live without them

Anger boiling your blood from the depths of your gut?

Channel that fire to create warmth and passion, not destruction.

Life crushing your dreams?

Don't lose the dream: focus not the dream but the tasks you
can undertake to bring you closer towards the dream.

Things not working out?

Work harder, challenge the process.

Ever tried, ever failed, no matter.

Try again, fail again, fail better.

the night will always win.

2011-03-14T23:26:00.000+08:00

I've always liked night time.
As a little kid, staying up late was such a rarity and fun. Watching wrestling, live football games, acting like an adult.
The night - relaxing, no hustle and bustle of the sunlight and daytime.Of school, works and responsibilities.

Now, more than ever, i appreciate the night.
The quiet, the peace, it really is like 'the music of the night'
The heightening sensations, the waking of imagination.
Thoughts wander, listening to music, doing everything, or doing nothing
Sitting there alone, or cuddling with the girlfriend.

After a day of endless weary, the night will always win.
The night has darkness on its side.

Romance in the Reel World.

2011-03-02T23:17:00.002+08:00

I've always been sort of a romantic (downplaying it). Haha. Not merely in the sense of romantic love and all but also of the romantic movement which was the movement validated strong emotion as an authentic source of aesthetic experience, placing new emphasis on such emotions as trepidation, horror and terror and awe. (wikipedia :p)

Right.

So I decided to compile and share a few of my favourite scene from TV and movies with regards to romantic love. Though most of this are unlikely to play out in the real world as perfectly. Still, escapism is nice every now and then.

So it no particular order i present to you:

Up.

Very recent, this one. But bloody brilliant.

Pure and simply, its brilliance lies in the truth it reflects.
It is so close to reality, the whole depiction.

A little too true and too close.

You know when you're young, you have hopes, plans to chase the next dream.

Inadvertently, more often than not, life takes over, you work a few years climbing the corperate ladder

a few years of this, a few years of that. Blink.
So you settle down, enjoying the pleasures that a simple life offers. Happy and contented being with your significant other.
Among all the modern hoo-hah of persuing the unending materialistic goals in life, there is a part of nobility in the simple life.

The notion of self-sacrifice. For the ones you love.

Lost. Season 4 Ep 6
Click and watch!

Probably one of my favourite episodes from lost and arguably one of the most memorable scenes of mine for all time.
What gave the scene the extra impact is probably the story leading and the context of the show's plot leading up to this arc.
Essentially, one of the central themes in lost is the idea of Man of Science vs Man of Faith. So they were talking about mathematics and science.. equations and variables. (they were time-travelling, i know i know, bear with me now) and to anchor oneself in space and time... we needed a constant.
The constant in the sea of variables.
I just found the whole notion of love being the constant to be.. brilliant!

So in the end, i only shared two proper videos cos i got lazy. :p

A few obvious and notable mentions:

Love Actually - Perhaps the most copied/imitated/cool/hear-wrenching declaration of love scene ever?

Sekai Chuushin de, Ai wo Sakebu (Crying Out Love, In The Center Of The World ) - The Japanese TV show, not the movie. In terms of pure romance and disregarding the astronomical statistical improbability of the whole thing happening in real life) It is just... crazy good. Which in turn, is also its downfall. Why? Because it's such an emotional journey that it just drains the life out of you. Well, for me at least, i watched the entire series once, blown away by it. Tempted to re-watch it again. But the thought of the emotional fatigue to go through just put me off.

The Notebook - First love + Rachel McAdams. Enough said. :p

Jerry Maguire - There is a reason why 'you complete me' is still used in confessions of love.

City of Angels - Go listen to Goo Goo Dolls' - Iris. You'll understand.

Moulin Rouge - It teaches you the greatest thing you'll ever learn. ;)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Would you erase me?

Right. So given my limited expose to movies, and lapse in memory capacity. I probably left out quite a number of worthy mentions. Anyways, feel free to drop a comment! (without spoiling whichever movie you're introducting :D )

Fifty Percent.

2011-02-10T23:55:00.000+08:00

I am well versed in the arts of internet researching. The activity is also known more commonly as stalking. But stalking refers to that which you do when you fancy an person and try so dig information & pictures to fuel your yet to be disclosed desires. This is not.

Sometimes inadvertently you trumble across things.
   things not particularly secret
   but things you didn't know nonetheless.

Your heart aches, maybe more than it should..
   or perhaps it is others that ache too little, grown nonchalant to the notion.

I hate broken marriages. I salute single parents. I feel for the kids.

[Christmas] [2.0.1.1.] [CNY]

2011-02-09T23:33:00.005+08:00

Well hello there. Happy belated New year!

Sheessh. it's been more than one month into the new year... as you can see i've been so so so busy working towards my new year's resolutions that i haven't had the time to blog :p

lol.

woohoo the christmas feast!! I smuggled the non-halal pork belly with apple stuffing and champaign ham all across the causeway!

I trust your christmas was fun too? ;)

then came 2011.. this one .. not much celebration to be honest.. haha.. just a very laid back weekend and catch up with friends.

Alas, came the year of the rabbit came hopping in...

Pre-CNY gatherings and preparation were fun and tiring.. Didn't really had much meet ups post-CNY.. apart from the very impromptu gathering which semi-spontaneously started around 10pm at my place. :D
That's the thing with cities i guess... people balik kampung then cities become empty.

Anyways, it was great fun last week.. proceeded with the heaviest withdrawal when i came back to work :(
Aiyoh.. it has never been this bad... and this time it really was BAD, having to come back after 10days of work-free days. Alas, i'm officially over it and back to normal.

Lastly, you have to check this video out! It's so freaking unbelievably cute!!! I've watch it like 15times now. [i just noticed that this vid on youtube has 23million views in a week]

and all 15times i watch with a huge grin on my face.........

....... partly because i can so imagine myself being

that silly boy in the darth vader suit. ;D

Chandeliers of Hope.

2010-12-20T22:56:00.001+08:00

It's already the 20th of december?!
It came as a shock as i went back home for the weekend, and then realize i couldn't procastinate anymore on the wrapping of the christmas presents! The christmas shopping wasn't a particular issue, seeing that i had already been on the lookout for presents/bargains since september (no joke, the stuff i bought for my dad and nephew were snapped up then, hee hee).

Wahh, i've been working for 5months already just like that. Gosh. This isn't good leh. I mean, i don't like feeling like a drone. I was saying to friends "i wanna find a job that i like doing, that i can derive satisfaction from".. then a few of them said, "well, many people don't exactly like their job....". Which got me thinking... wah, kinda true also. Well, it's a means to an end right? I used that phrase to motivate me for a bit while i was figuring out exactly what i wanted.

Anyway, for on that serious stuff next time bahh... focus on christmas! So far, having been working and all, apart from the times when i'm hunting for christmas presents or when i'm in church... haven't exactly felt the spirit of the holidays.. but now i am looking forward, particular since i'm earning my own upkeep these days, can really give presents that are truly mine, had always felt that i was cheating in a way when you buy presents using allowance from parents... so this is gift giving proper.Spent quite a bit, especially on the two kids (not mine, my nephew and niece). It's the children that enjoy christmas the most, so why not make them happy, it's such an easy gesture buying presents.

Alas, i present to you: Project Elven-Workshop 2010! Hahahah, okay, it's 80% complete.. just need a couple of things here and there.

Anyways, Merry Christmas in advance to you folks readings, i have no idea how my readership is doing, i reckon but i just enjoy writing.. heh.
I hope you all are not working on christmas eve as i am, until 3.30pm, i'll try and cabut earlier.. need to go collect my cold storage christmas meat loot and head back home asap!

Have you heard the most awesome-est song this christmas season? If not, here you go, consider it your christmas present, you're welcome. =D

An Abscess Story: The Rhetoric.

2010-12-07T21:33:00.017+08:00

The thing with human is that we are rarely stay happy, usually dissatisfied with something in our life.
be it the pieces of paper we call money, our work, our relationships.

Studies have found that in the long run, a millionaire lottery winner and a paraplegic share the same level of happiness. How could this be? Could it be that happiness really lies in contentment?
But having said that, dissatisfaction is such a strong motivation for improvement and progress. Contentment being akin to complacency and laziness in this day and age.

Motivation gurus always state roughly the same thing, find a strong source of motivation [usually a parrticularly hateful dissatisfactor], always reminds yourself of the dissatisfaction so as to stay motivated, persistence will prevail so never give up, stay positive so as to never lose hope. A recipe for success for some, a quick trail down a slippery slope of not knowing when to give up and to find live happiness of fleeting moments for others.

As with 99% of people hit with trajedies, (now my definition of tragedy here is pretty wide, it can be something as small as a particularly long bout of flu, or something ore dire like the lost of a family member], we get a temporary jolt of the things that we take forgranted . Varying from person to person and the severity of the said tragedy, the changes may wear off over time, some don't.
A lady never faced with family hardship, faced with the divorce of her parents may grow to be independent, cold and some what selfish and less impervious to external. A lady who had been searching for true love since her teens may be too engrossed to see her mistaken obsession of anything close to an infatuation as true love. When we fall sick, we often think to ourselves that we ought to heart in our health that we take for granted... but how long does that last before the next whine comes along?

While i was hospitalized, i was... let's say, exposed to a variety of people facing incredibly surreal difficulties in life. The elderly pessimist man faced with depression and borderline paranoia. The diabetic who just lost kidney functions and realizes he has to be on dialysis for the rest of his life, and of course, the silly boy who had a mystery intestinal abscess, found out the limits of his strength, patience and faith.

It is through the minor jollts from routine life that we realize two things that are often lost, perspective and patience. So as this season of christmas approaches, take time out from the routine of worry, dissatisfaction, anger, sadness and truly live. i know it probably is difficult, i too am in certain ways, filled with anger and dissatisfaction towards the seemingly mundane routine that we call life. But i believe with each passing day, i am nearer to my goal than the day before, and look forward to finding happiness in the day ahead.
That's a the christmas challenge here.

An Abscess Story: The Narrative.

2010-11-22T21:44:00.010+08:00

*blows dust off the blog*

It's been a while. I've been busy catching up with life. Especially after the events of last month, which is the primary topic for this blog entry.
Right. So as you may or may not have known... i was hospitalized for 17days last month, so.. here's what happened.

30th Sep. Thursday. Morning.
Woke up as usual, tired after working late the previous day. Had a nagging pain in the stomach, thought it might be just gas from the late meal so went to work as per usual lo. By lunch, the pain was still there, which is worrying.. persistent pain. By 3pm i was struggling to stay focus at work, left a little early to see doctor around 4.45pm (not exactly early per se). Anyway, went to see GP... cost bloody $45 for nothings, got MC for the next day in case... bought porridge, ate meds thereafter.
By 8pm the pain wasn't at all getting any better, with it not feeling like a tummy bug (no diarrhea, no vomitting) and GP only gave meds for those (ok la.. they're just GP afterall). So i thought it would be a wise idea to call my sis back in jb to arrange for a specialist (bro-in-law works in the hospital so.. yea). As luck would have it (with my previous appendicitis coninciding the same week my brother was getting married), this time, it conincided with my sis going to korea for a week for her birthday and meeting up with my bro in law who's there training.
Now thursday night/Friday morning is the torturous part. The pain got craaaazzzyyy in the middle of the night/early morning. It was as if my guts were being twisted, very very bad stuff. The persistent pain got better in the morning, being now concentrated around my right abdomen area. Managed to get myself back to jb to see the gastroenterology (new word added to vocab >.<) specialist. Suspected it to be adhension-colic, got some proper antibiotics and painkillers (which didn't work). So the wait and see approach was taken.
So this was friday, so sort of had the weekend to see how it progresses.

*tik-tok-tik-tok*

Day 1 to Day 7
Sadly, things didn't improve. So doctor arranged an ultrasound of that area on monday. Results of the scan weren't good. An abdominal abscess(new word again) was seen measuring around 6x5x4cm, suggested to be admitted into the hospital to run CT scan and other test. So began my second stint in the hospital. It was bad.. the first 7days were.... painful and just uncomfortable. Between the pain, fever and tests... let's just say i've had better times. So blood was drawn.. samples taken from every imaginable area. CT scan's not as straight forward as they make it look in the tv shows lor! WALAO! They don't show you the pain where the patient has to down 1.5pints of contrast material that tastes like soap water!! ONE.POINT.FIVE.PINTS. zzzzzz. Worst of all, i had to do it twice..the reason being the first time, after i drank all of it.. they realized i had childhood asthma which in turn meant that i had to be given some type of suppression meds? Cos during the procedure they would also inject something into me and that has a chance to cause anaphylactic shock to people who had asthma, albeit childhood asthma. So the procedure was postponed to the next day, which, yes yes i had to drink ONE.POINT.FIVE.PINTS of soap water again. Happy happy.
Anyhooo, that's CT downed. The scan show the abscess proper, nothing special. Next up, colonoscopy. Ahh, the punchline in all too many late night and stand up comedies. Yet, it was totally painless. Biopsy taken, which later showed no inflammatory tissue, meaning all's good there.
So the doctor's had to do something to the abscess in addition to pumping me up with anti-biotics right? They opted for percutaneous aspiration (a fancy word for draining?) and left me with a pig-tail lo (small tube running from the abscess to a bag outside). Yup, i had a tube hanging out me for a week, with pus leaking via the tube. Anyway, the procedure is pretty straight forward, CT scan and then based on the scans, they insert the tube... i lay still for the whole CT and tube inserting. Well at least i didn't have to drink the soap water this time. Why? i also don't know.
This was pretty much the worst part of the whole hospital stay, based on how i felt la.. absolutely down the dumps at this point, the pain, fever... zzzz.

Day 8 to Day 12
Things started to pick up.. managed to over come the pain.. fever became less frequent.. less pus flowing out from the tube into the bag.. etc etc.
By thursday was feeling rather ok... but then Ben (bro-in-law) had warned me that this was probably going to be quite a long stay because.. the treatment and subsequent recovery will probably takes weeks if not months. So yea.. it wasn't looking good. Then friday morning, the surgical doctor [ok, time to explain how the hospital works. There's the gastro doctor who was the specialist i saw at first; then there's the surgical doctors who essentially evaluate you and decide whether or not to cut you open; Infectious diseases doctors, who decides whether your case needs any particular medicine for infection control] came and flushed the tube just to make sure the pus didn't get stuck (since there was little flowing now). But the unexpected news came by the end of the evening Dr Gunn, head of surgical dept who also happened to be my doctor came and said the tube can be removed... Further good news came when Dr. Chan (gastro specialist) came and asked (while i was having my tube removed) "eh, you wanna go home for the weekend?" WALAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, i tell you... my face lit up with happiness laaaaa. Bloody. Finally. Anyways, i was scheduled to have a follow up CT the coming monday so it was just the weekend off la.. but still... happiness to get out of that depressing place.
So the weekend was spend resting, reading and watching football. Ahhh, bliss ar bliss.

Day 15 to day 17
Monday came. Went for CT. Sad news, the abscess is still there, still 6x4x4cm. Doctors said it might be scar-tissue/residual abscess. Tuesday laid in the hospital restless. Wednesday, got the all clear for discharge!! Wheeeeeeeeee. Well the thing is.. with me feeling a lot better, no more fever, no more IV meds needed, the next course of meds can be taken orally... so discharge me lor.

Right and so that is it. Wahhh, wrote a lot sia... zzz.. will have a lot of disgruntled readers again.. complaining i post too wordy posts. Hah, this is just the story.. i'll write more on what i felt and saw in the entire process next time.
Anyway, i went for another follow up CT last last thursday.. CT still caught the abscess, now around 5x4x3cm. So we shall be what happens. Been feeling better in general la.
Cheers.

Oh oh.. a few minor clarification before the doubters of the malaysian health care system come asking questions. No, being treated in a singapore hospital won't make it magically disappear. No, singapore doctors aren't necessarily better than malaysian ones. Yes, i believe the doctors did the best they could, they may be overworked and underpaid... doesn't make them lesser in proficiency.
Mmm, Malaysia Boleh. Boohooohooo.

Quintessentials.

2010-07-29T22:37:00.002+08:00

I recall seeing this quote from Reader's Digest once upon a time...

"The three quintessentials of life are:

something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to."

Beautiful Mess.

2010-07-16T21:32:00.001+08:00

*Rewind: 2006. Watched the world cup finals, considered myself lucky to be able to finish the entire world cup before entering uni proper. Lost announce that it will end 48 episodes later, the final season in 2010. All the while i thought: "wah 2010. seems so damn far away. I wonder what will it feel like when it comes."

*Fastforward: present day. Lost ended, an ending which was symbolic to say the least. The world cup came and went. The first june after, too has past, and yours truly has started work.

Where do i even try to begin? There's been so much, so much.The past 12 months have been.. .. incredible, let's put it that way. In many ways, it was not at all what i had expected for my final year of university.

To just it gently, i guess you could say.. life was a mess. I have no intention of ever letting anyone know the true extent of how messed up things were, simply because.. i scare pretty much even myself. Growth is the battle wound you wear in the corner of your mind.

It's been quite the ride. The kaleidoscope of emotions it brings to mind is.. as heartbreaking as it is heartwarming. Of forests, arsonists and deserts. Moments of uncertainty, anxiety, anguish, anger, hope, happiness. Lately, semi-random scenes have been invoking memories of emotions that once was. Things that made me proud and those that made me ashamed. Tender moments when thunder raged outside the window in the middle of the night as we hid from reality. Days of silly wrongs and vivid rights.

I guess things turned out alright then.

And so it is.. just like you said it would be.

break.even.

2010-07-01T23:01:00.002+08:00

While I'm wide awake she has no trouble sleeping

A tale of "the silent roll of the eyes and the glare of what the hell took you so long"

2010-05-01T04:10:00.006+08:00

I came back earlier from finalizing the leasing of the hdb and stuff.
Disclaimer: random post ahead.

So the thing started at 7.30. Met the real estate agent, who brought his girlfriend, waited for everyone to arrive, etc.
To be honest, in the end it took way longer than expected, checking the premises, inventory and the consequent contract signing. And midway through it all, i did talk to the guy saying 'eh, i think you should call your girlfriend up.' (Quite worried for him and the wraith he might be facing thereafter if he didn't :p)
But.. he didn't. I guess he knew his girl better than i did of course.....
For she waited for him for more than 2 hours, armed nothing but an iphone. No fan, no air-con. Just sitting on the HDB lobby by herself. I was in shock. Half expecting him to get the silent roll of the eyes, the glare of 'what the hell took you so long' as we finished and came back down to meet her around 9.30. Yet, all was good and there wasn't any particular hint of resentment at all. "wah, it's 9.30 already" she remarked.

I was blown away.. haha. Seriously. I was totally.. what's the word i can use... hmmm, inspired? Nah, sounds creepy. Well, more like awe-stuck i guess. Yes that's quite the perfect word awe-stuck!
My brain went 'WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'. While on the surface i tried to act calm. Haha. Later, we all went for supper, us plus the agent and the girlfriend. I was bringing this up to him, all he said was 'well, that's the power of iphone apps'. Haha, funny. But we both knew it wasn't that simple.
A fellow final year accountancy student from ntu, waits 2 hours for the boyfriend. Mmmm, enough said.

Anyway, then i went to fairprice extra to get some milk. (The queues was insane by the way, and it was past 11)
There was this girl in front of the queue, at the checkout counter with stuff la.. then she kept looking back, obviously waiting for some one grabbing some last minute items i guess. Failed, so she paid for the stuff and continue waiting by the counter lor.. about 7mins later the boyfriend (i presume, arrives, with a bottle of cooking oil, lol) . ANYWAY, she gives him the silent roll of the eyes, the glare of 'what the hell took you so long' (in truth i was quite surprised he took so long too!)... anyway, i was the next in line now as the guy pays for the cooking oil. Then my turn, i pay for my stuff yadah yadah yadah. As i was walking out of fairprice, i see them stopped by the sides quarreling.

Hmmm, such a contrast between the two. Hahahaa, the end. I'm not suggesting one might be better than the other... it's just a story of observations. Nonetheless, fascinating.
Random post right :p

Definitely Maybe

2010-04-17T05:28:00.001+08:00

Will Hayes: I kept the book...
April: Yeah?
Will Hayes: Because it was the only thing that I had left of you.
Lennon/McCartney

time for exams.

Courtship from springtails.

2010-04-06T02:08:00.000+08:00

For quite a while in my life, i believed courtship to be somewhat hypocritical.
For a while, i thought what's the point of convincing someone to like you?
Isn't it weird having to sell yourself in a sales pitch to win the affections of someone you like?

Oh yes, i am a naïve little boy aren't i?

Of course, i've seen instances where sheer brute determination to win the hearts of the perceived one has bore fruit. But i can't help but wonder, is it real then? It's totally like what jacob from lost said (see ab aeterno) "it's all meaningless if i have to force them to do anything"

Alas, there was a time where i lived in a world that is highly romanticized.

Then i remember the day.. a couple of years ago when i caught an episode of life in the undergrowth by the great Sir David Attenborough.

Watch both parts, 4mins will be worth your while i hope. Else you can check the lousy checkbox at the bottom later.

Cute right? See how the tiny little thing refuses to give up? So this little tiny thing, possibly any knowledge of romance whatsoever is able to do that.

Hmmm, the point is? Persistence prevails sometimes! Of course, you need to know when to give up to as well la... haha.
The real point of the whole rather unorganized entry is: courtship isn't hypocritical (well, ok, maybe it is a bit when people exploit it) but overall, it is based in our very nature to impress the significant other.

Oh yes, naïve little boy....

Ab Aeterno.

2010-03-28T19:22:00.007+08:00

There's a lot going through my mind most days.
Yet once again, time is a luxury i can no longer afford.

There's a draft entry that has been sitting in the drafts.. since... february?
Haha, it's super wordy and too unorganized to be published now.

Oh well.
Just a couple of things off the top of my head real quick.
3 reports not done. One partially done robot. Frantic end to the semester.
Hmmm, also been constantly adding things to the Bucket List.
A lot of things that i want to do before i leave uni leh.. but, time is not on my side. Sadz.

Burning out at an exceeding alarming rate without getting things done. Worrying.
Then again, there still rays of 'power-ups' along the way, in the form of Big Bang Theory, and Lost.
And i just had a very nice picture taken. Happiness. Oh yes, it has been saved a thousand times already.
Thanks Qi for the 'help'. :p

Right then, random blabbering over, back to churning out reports.

Oh ya, this is from the best episode of Lost season 6 yet, my gosh they better answer all the questions already.
9 more episodes till the end. Series Finale.

"Why didn't you help them?"
"Because i wanted them to help themselves.... to know the difference between right and wrong without me having to tell them. It's all meaningless if i have to force them to do anything."
Chim stuff la.. Applies to so many things. Hahaha. *rolls eyes*

"and even though people tell you what you wish to hear, that you don't have to worry about it as a matter of fact, you're still too old to be that naive." - Margaret.

Me: "belanja u jap buffet if i get employed la"
Bro: "buy you a wife when I make my first million"

"Emotion kills reason. Evaluate this statement." - Midterm from NUS' psychology module Social cognitive Perspective of Emotion

Indecent Obsession.

2010-03-23T21:11:00.004+08:00

Once upon a time, there was a boy. A very strange, enchanted boy.
This little boy, he chanced upon a stone.
He liked the stone very much and viewed it as the best.
Many told him, 'Hey silly, it's just a random stone, nothing noteworthy.'
But the little boy refused to believe.
Day by day, night by night, he held it close to his side.

Days to weeks? Months to years?
Till one day, as if awoken from a shrouded dream -
he realizes that he indeed, has been holding on to nothing but a stone.
Yet, he all but knows of his weakness.
But to accept that the stone is just a stone: epically fails .

From tears to fears,
he knows.
Oh yes, he knows all too well.
The little boy clutches on to the stone.
All that of the stone which he held so dear,
is fast becoming the baggage no one can clear.

The Writing on the Wall.

2010-03-04T19:04:00.000+08:00

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.

Chances Are.

2010-02-02T20:40:00.003+08:00

You will never know all that you meant,

whilst i will never know all that i didn't.

Death and all of his friends.

2010-01-29T03:52:00.009+08:00

People come and go from each other's lives from time to time. It's the piece of yourself that you leave behind, and what you take away that really matters, is it?

A teacher from Foon Yew passed away this week.. Facebook has been full of her stories and details about the wake. One teacher, out of what, about 150 odd teachers of the entire school. You would be inclined to wonder what exactly all the buzz is about.

A simple teacher, teaching geography, but the impact she has made in so many students lives goes beyond the classroom. Even myself, a science student whom only had the chance meeting of her once as a relief teacher once, reading the stories, i kid you not, it will bring a tear to you eye. Tales of her encouragement and belief in students, going the extra mile out of concern for a student's future, self-sacrificing instances despite fighting the illness that was with her, will seem surreal as though from a highly exaggerated tear-jerking hollywood soap drama.

The 700 strong congregation at her memorial, benefactors of her tireless care-giving, gathered from across the nation, is just testimony of the respect she has garnered from everyone she has ever taught. At 41, she lost the battle against cancer after 3 bouts, leaving behind husband and child. It's the age-old 'why do bad things happen to good people' argument. Sadness doesn't even cover it.

As always, death reminds the living to cherish that which always is taken for granted.

sidenote: Charmaine has relapsed. :(

The final semester. Loads to be done. Tough few months ahead.

Till next time, a few good quotes:

"青春让我们天真地以为，承诺是永远的幸福，却没想到，爱情原是测试承诺的开始。" - <我想说我舍不得》

"She crossed my mind. Somehow, she never left..." - The Observer.

Scattered Black and White.

2010-01-10T23:40:00.008+08:00

Plead the fleeting moment to remain.

Taking a picture, trying to freeze the elusive second from ticking by.

The odds are known, yet you need to try to fight the shifting sands.

Time, like waves crashing on a rock, wearing away at it,

albeit slowly, eerie politeness and formality fakes a scene.

When all is gone, you take everything in, lock it away.

An Offer You Can't Refuse?

2009-12-10T02:35:00.012+08:00

Being offered a job before graduating should be something to happy about right?

Haha. Well, in truth, i was.. for a while. Then comes the dilemma, what are you going to do with the offer?

Then happiness mixes with trepidation forming an unstable concoction that is the perfect way to start the holidays! Till next time, i promise i'll be blogging proper content.

Given the same situation, had the roles been swap, i would never be able to do what she did. Maybe i'm nice, maybe it's common courtesy. But after all that's been?

Who would've know that something that started silly wrong but vivid right would end up this way. Not right, so not right. Can't catch a break even at the end. Lies.

Happiness is only real when shared.

2009-11-12T03:00:00.017+08:00

Right.. So it's like 3am in the morning. I've slept like 4 hours since tuesday. Fell asleep at 1am earlier, only to find myself wide awake at 2am. Just an indication of how messed i am. And how that i'm up, starting to feel hungry.

Just a quite look back at my posts over the last months.. how come since redang.. let's be frank here, all seems to be carrying a tinge of depression one?! Hehe, I miss the happier times. What happened to them?

Looking back at a insanely hectic semester, with exams nearing. Here's some noteworthy highlights. :)

First and foremost, by a mile the most happening thing over the semester - MP4006: Robotics. Source of the bulk of my happiness, at the same time ever so time consuming. Definitely something i can look back with pride though.

Well we basically build a robot that can sense and climb vertically. Hehehe. Enjoy the video :p

But there are of course silver linings too - Growth through adversity. This has been by no means an easy semester, i'm sure it's the same for everyone, just have to work through it. I have seen friendships grow and am thankful for all the help from people around me [of course i'm not just talking about the 4 people in the photo la, you know who you are].

With the exams nearing, and life being what it is, it really is so disheartening to try and keep up the good fight. I so constantly need to remind myself why we fight.

Love the photo! Complete family too, with bro's family, sis' family + in laws. I'm carrying Aidan! Hehe. And with the cold november rain which has been pouring down since, well, november, i am looking forward to Christmas.

Everyday i wake up, in many ways, i feel like Dug from Up. Armed with my special mission, i embark through the day, scouring for positivity and special things. Yet at the end of the end, many a time, things just turn sour. It may seem foolish, but yes, i strive on each day, knowing full well, the pitfalls of disappointment which occur more often than not. Happiness is real only when shared.

**Woof woof** [wags tail ;) ]

In the recycle bin.

2009-10-25T20:34:00.003+08:00

Erased.
To keep sane, i shall not ask why.

Can someone cue a re-run of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?

500 Days of Summer

2009-10-11T20:19:00.000+08:00

In all honestly, when i first saw the trailer for 500days of Summer, i really wanted to hide it away and keep it all to myself. i didn't want anyone else to know about the movie. But after watching the movie friday. I know that such a thing is not gonna happen.

What do i think about the movie then? Well, i won't tell you! :p Since saying it's the best movie i've ever seen will result in you having unrealistic expectations for it. Whereas saying it utter and total rubbish will make you not want to watch it. Heh.
One thing i will say is this (warning: spoilers ahead, only for those who have watched the movie. Click and drag between the arrows)
--> My favourite scene is the 'expectations vs reality' shot when Tom was walking up the stairs to Summer's party? Genius shot that one. Bloody brilliant. BLOODY. sigh.
Having said that, i'm definitely getting the original dvd for this. Let's hope it'll be out by christmas!! <-- I have the urge to watch the movie again 500 times. Seriously. Wait, maybe 501 times. Hmmm, due to reasons personal, with travaine. Nobody knows. Nobody has to. It's in the movie *smacks forehead*. And yes, true to my previous blog entry, i did get addicted to 'hero' but.. it is freaking crazy emo la.. cannot function if addiction to songs like this. Therefore, shift! Addict to this song now. Hee hee.

It was in the movie too.
Movie soundtrack available upon request. ;)

Alas, i guess this is it then.

On another unrelated note. To spring, I'd gladly take you away with me. ^^

Music of the Night.

2009-10-09T03:46:00.007+08:00

I gave my life to a memory of music
And she just turned her head
Rocky Votolato - I Remember Music

For the longest time, i have found myself relating events of life with music. From pop songs, church hymms, latin choral, movie sound tracks and the lot. Songs of delight, happiness, sadness, disappointment and hope. Many a time, especially when i feel particularly strong emotions, a song will almost magically, spontaneously appear in my head. Verses of lyrics seems to uncannily voice the thoughts of the subconscious.

Currently fighting for airspace in my brain are: rootless tree, luv (from the album 'the man who!' :p), my very best, elephant. All bloody brilliant songs i assure you. Should you need new songs for that playlist. ;)

this has got to die
i said this has got to stop
this has got to lie down
with someone else on top
Damien Rice - Elephant

I am pretty sure that in less than 24hours, the song from this video will be the one stuck in my head. Having dying to watch the movie since watching the trailer 3 weeks ago, downloaded it but felt to not watch in the cinema is nothing short of a crime. Especially given the unique circumstances surrounding this movie which no one will ever know so essentially i'm talking gibberish. Hahaha.

In the corner of the room,
In the room we used to love,
Of the love this we should say this:
There were switches never flicked.
Long away and far apart,
That's how forest fires start.
Elbow - My Very Best

I'm the hero of the story
Don't need to be saved
Regina Spektor - Hero

The Valley.

2009-10-03T03:48:00.004+08:00

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow.

I am deep in the valley, quite very messed up. And completely lost. Broken for no apparent reason. Oddity.

I don't want to be weak. Help.

Her Morning Elegance

2009-09-24T01:00:00.010+08:00

Sun been down for days
A pretty flower in a vase
A slipper by the fireplace
A cello lying in its case

Soon she's down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up

And she fights for her life
as she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
as it pours
And she fights for her life
as she goes in a store
with a thought she has caught
by a thread
she pays for the bread
and she goes
Nobody knows

Sun been down for days
A winter melody she plays
The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love

Hehe.. another youtube vid.. but i can't help myself.. there's something about this song!!! It's special. It just feels so so right.
;)

Partly Cloudy

2009-09-21T21:49:00.008+08:00

Stuck in a rut.
Denial.. is sweet.
Clinging on to air.
But...
Maybe it's time to pick up the pieces eh?
Hmmm, i don't know anything anymore.

Out of no where, I am fascinated by Severus Snape.

Nuffnang: 'The Ugly Truth Movie Tickets Giveaway'

2009-09-13T23:56:00.010+08:00

Chapter 1: The KILLER dinner date.

Once upon a time, there lived a Martian and a Venusian. There both led happy lives, independent of one another. Then suddenly one day, their paths crossed.

And like a Venn Diagram.. suddenly there was common ground.. the flying sparks, the intense curiosity, the thoughts of 'my my, where have you been and how have i been living without you?!'
And so it is.. .. love's first blush.

Yet it seems, it was all destined to fall apart. On the first date, the Martian was late, the Venusian was terribly unforgiving. During dinner, the Martian repeatedly picked his nose in front of her while the Venusian was totally disinterested and screaming 'kill me!' in the depths of her heart, wondering why the hell did she even bother going for in the first place.

They didn't even survive to finish desert when the Martian told the Venusian, "hey, shall we split the bill?". The Venusian rolled her eyes in utmost scorn. Fed up.. she stood up, left never to return.

Chaper 2: Tell me why why 'The Ugly Truth'

There can be no doubt that Martians and Venusians are two different creatures. We think differently and more importantly.. we have the tendency to express in ways that are illogical.

They say that guys think with their dicks when around girls, whilst girls are the hopeless romantics bound to get their heart broken. And that is the supposed 'ugly truth'.
Well well, wake up to the 21th century guys, it's the girls who are ceasing control now (haha, sad to say). We seem to be on the decline! Work harder dudes!

But in many ways, we can only fight what's in front of us and play the hand that's been dealt. In reality, The Ugly Truth probably is that love sometimes is just not enough to survive in the real world, but in the movies however... to quote The Beatles "All you need is Love". *Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

I want tickets to the Ugly Truth~

Be a fan at the official Facebook page and catch The Ugly Truth when it opens in the cinemas on the 17th September 09!

The Scientist.

2009-09-02T00:39:00.003+08:00

Wheeeeeeeee.
After that overly emo song yesterday it's time to share my favourite song!
Fun fact: Chris Martin (lead singer of coldplay) learned to sing this song backwards so that he would record the video and play it backwards and his lips will still sync with the song! I kid you not.. he has sung the 'terbalik' version in concerts before, and i have tried reversing the live track and it really sound normal. Cool stuff.

There's just something incredibly haunting about the simple melody and great lyrics.

Smile for me.
I know I am. :)

2009-08-31T21:45:00.004+08:00

Silent night, broken night
All is fallen when you take your flight
I found some hate for you
Just for show
You found some love for me
Thinking I'd go
Don't keep me from crying to sleep
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, moonlit night
Nothing's changed
Nothing is right
I should be stronger than weeping alone
You should be weaker than sending me home
I can't stop you fighting to sleep
Sleep in heavenly peace

Warming the Cold

2009-08-30T20:49:00.005+08:00

It's been a cold cold weekend in many ways.

Saturday evening, i went to 女娲's seniors' housewarming at bukit batok.

The night wouldn't have been completed without a game of cards.

random pic in the lift en route to the next house.

Noisy picture, but not my fault ok? The cameraman.

It was a nice gathering and catching up. Updates on how everyone's doing and all. Very soon enough, i'll be the one out there too.

Many thanks to you people, you know who you are and you know why. SyJinn for calling me twice and letting me hear MayDay live in concert. Thanks Man Utd for not losing! Hahaha, you could've just scored one more goal and allowed me to claim my bet you know... =p

Meanwhile, until next time, things i have to ponder : FYP, LL.B, CFA.

It's a shame. :')

Happy Meals.

2009-08-28T00:10:00.006+08:00

Just came back from vote counting for MAE elections. Haha. It was a case of many Andrew happy meals, Siew Loong happy meals and Abstain happy meals. Hopefully the release of the results will go smoothly with 2 ties and 1 close victory.

Wah.. It's Friday of week 3 already.
Final year liao.. the course work's getting more intensive.

Quite random post this one. Sometimes there's so much you want to do, so much you want to know. Yet at the same time, you know that things are out of your control, praying that you have done enough to make the best of what's been dealt. Life's really a matter of perceptive i guess. You can moan about all the bad things humanity does, the bad things that happen to good people. But at times, it is far more important that you remember the positives as well, the sweet moments and happy moments that you've spent with the people that matter. Life will never be perfect, even if you set out and accomplished everything you ever wanted to, unless you focus on the positives times. One can only hope that it all ends with a smile.

Do you have any idea at all, how incredibly happy you look in the display picture?

Faith, Hope & Charity

2009-08-22T19:55:00.005+08:00

Being a catholic, going to church is like part of the deal. I like going to church, most of the time anyway, haha. It was more difficult during my younger days as you do it purely out of duty and all, but it helps as you grow and know more i guess. Not that i'm a super holy person la.. but still....
And though it is almost certain that there's a sense of trouble and hassle in having to go out to church every week. All the complaints just disappear when i enter the church.

Going to church has been pretty much my escape, regardless of whether i'm overjoyed because the best weekend ever that just past, or because of the shitty stuff that happened during the week. I go to church and it helps rejuvenate the soul. It is a hard thing to describe and I'm sure the atheists will think i'm talking rubbish.

In Singapore especially, when no one knows me as opposed to in JB where pretty much everyone knows everyone, i can just go to church.. and not have to worry about anything else. My hideout.

The Proposal movie contest.

2009-08-17T01:08:00.006+08:00

Why do i wanna watch The Proposal?

Well, in the age where romantic love is the cause of so much pain. Where do you find the courage to believe?
Skeptics argue that it is foolish to believe in an institution such as marriage, when in counties such as the US, fails as often as it succeeds.

But every now and then, a romantic comedy like The Proposal comes along to remind us: that though life does sometimes seem harsh and you might have lost faith due to the unfortunate encounters with bloody arsonists who seem to randomly torch down what you have worked so hard to build and in the process making it seem as though there's no choice but to be a cynic.

Yet.. there are so many things in this world that are just silly wrong but vivid right. And a series of most inconceivable coincidences will result is magic that is beyond comprehension. At times, you really just need to rediscover your beliefs, and leap. Not a blind jump, but rather a leap of faith.

And i believe that The Proposal is one such movie and that is why.. i would love to see it. To prove a point. To believe that it is possible to rekindle the candle that has been forsaken in the barren desert storm for so long. :) :)

The Proposal opens in cinemas 20 August 2009

Hidden Notes.

2009-08-11T18:42:00.003+08:00

It's been almost a month, and no doubt this is gonna be a long post.
But i'll try and keep things short and sweet.

And so this is it, the Final year of university. Many thoughts. So so much has happened over the past 8 months. With the attachment and other experiences, i can only say that i am well and truly thankful for everything. Both the good and the not so good, but it really really brought about growth in so many different ways. It is by challenging your personal boundaries that you learn more about yourself.
I would want to try to put my thoughts into words but that would be far too boring.

The people from Autodesk! Outing at Hort Park and Henderson Wave in March :)

Then there was xinyao's wedding. OMG. A classmate of the same age getting married! And just like her, everyone of us is already entering into a new stage of life in a blink of an eye.

In so many ways, this felt like a class gathering. But i guess this is the only way to gather everyone together and catch up.

Ahh, got to watch kobe in the flesh. That's the only good thing i guess. That and a signed basketball he was giving away falling 30cm away from me. Ahh, so nearly caught it.

Tickets courtesy of Nuffnang. Hehe. Pretty good seats too.

Check out Kobe's calf! It looks so thin.

To keep me occupied during the post attachment days, i joined NTU College of Engineering's skit performance, just to earn some pocket money and give me a reason to travel back and forth from home. Hehe.

It was a paid gig but we bonded and it was really fun rehearsing!

I miss rehearsals! Hehe.

DeZien's birthday was this past monday! Went for a day of fine dining and fun. :)

I really like being the knight wielding the parang. :)

It's only by confronting our demons
that we can learn to conquer them.

2009-08-05T15:10:00.003+08:00

I've been running around in circles.....

Holidays.

2009-07-14T23:31:00.027+08:00

Ahhh.. The final day working at Autodesk finally passed today. It's been six months working there leh.. quite amazing leh. Haha.
It's officially the holidays now. Can finally blog about the trip to redang. Hehe.

And so i went to redang.. with Wei Li, Ah Pao, Sing li and Teck Wei. And coincidentally, Dennis was there with Tech Crew as well. So we managed to meet there.

McD breakfast at 6am

The Excitement in the cab from Sunway to Subang.

Picture at the departure hall at Subang.

Refreshments onboard the FireFly.

Arrival Hall at the The Sultan Mahmud Airport at Terrengganu.

Waiting for the boat trip to Redang.

The jetty at Redang.

First group photo.

Wait, no smoking and no what in the computer room?!

The beach with wideangle lense on the LX3.

Wideangle lens does make scenary shots nicer!

Foot in sand.

Huge, gigantic lizard with red spots all over~~

Dennis, Mag and the rest of the TH tech crew.

The legandary 'grasshopper' =D

Breakfast. Food at laguna redang was simply great.

Act cool shot in the room.

Redang was gooood.

It took a bite and decided it was rubbish :D

One of the last shots in Redang. So nice right?

On the boat back to the mainland.

Back in Subang.

Overall, the trip was very fun but even more tiring! Snorkelling takes it out of you man. Walao and i even manage to lose weight despite eating buffet EVERY meal!! Wah.. that really says it all doesn't it? Anyway, the conclusion is that if you want a relaxing holiday, snorkelling shouldn't be added to the schedule. Hehehe.

The Hardest Part.

2009-06-21T23:31:00.005+08:00

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Once again, decision time.
What to do ar what to do?
To be or not to be?
Throw caution to the wind? Or hide in the bomb shelter?
Alas, to the bomb shelter to ponder.

I am of course talking about subject registration... but you guys won't believe me right? =p

Be the Bullet.

2009-06-15T23:21:00.004+08:00

Why do bad things happen to good people?

Too often in life, you take things for granted. You complain, you whine, you mope. Yet, when these like these happen around you.. to friends, family and in general good people. You realized you are more blessed than you know. It acts as a wake-up call.. jotting you back into perspective. I had one some time ago, and am reminded every now and then by things like this.

says a silent prayer

One Day Like This

2009-06-08T00:06:00.006+08:00

Warm.

Cool.

Pictures.

Friends.

Winning.

Anxiety.
Paranoia.
Sadness.

Belief.

Happiness.

Doubt.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Of Departures, Buttons & Lovers.

2009-06-02T23:04:00.005+08:00

Death, is it really that taboo? We fear death, partly because it's the unknown, the psychologist says. We fear it because it is the end of life, the biologist says. We need not fear it at all, says the priest.

Departures, Oscar winner for best foreign picture, Japanese.
As with 99% of the motion pictures Japanese produce, be it TV dramas, animes, or in this case, full features; they have excellent soundtracks! Departures is no different.
Also also! There's Ryoko Hirosue... *drools* the only woman ever to have her face on my computer as my desktop wallpaper many many years ago. She has aged, but still very very very pretty.
Anyway, the story is about a cello player, whose orchestra disbanded, leaving his jobless. He moves back to the countryside into the house his dead mother had left him. Eventually getting a job as a "encoffin-ist" aka undertaker la.
Which leads to many stories and eventually him being ostracize from his (very pretty) wife *heartbreak* and friends.
Which led me to ponder, what's so wrong with being an undertaker.. i mean i hear they earn a lot of money, and it's probably the only job that your customers really do find you instead of the other way around.
So if i choose to be an undertaker, would the same thing happen to me.. i initially thought no.. but yea.. eventually, people will think it's an unclean job to have i guess.

Two lovers, slightly artsy film. basically about a man who 'one leg step two boats'(is there a English word for this har, bro?). Ok to watch la, i guess, got Gwyneth Paltrow ma (Chris Martin's wifey) but.. yea.. forgettable.
It really reminds me of Closer, but a weaker version, but the genre's thereabouts the same: looking at the adult relationships residing in the grey areas of the things we do in the name of love.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Big movie this one, took a while but i eventually managed to get the HD version to fully savour it. Had heard a number of reviews that it was a boring show that puts you to sleep midway.Not to mention all the snubs at the Oscars. Heh.
However, after watching it i must say: I liked the movie, i really really did! it was quite long, but i found it enjoyable, not that many dull moments personally.
Basically two themes that stand out.
First, Ben and Daisy.. they met midway of their lives once.. and it was perfect. but eventually, as he was aging backwards, it was inevitable that it would bring up the cliched 'nothing lasts forever' what not.
Another one: early one when Daisy reached her early twenties and saw brad again, she danced for him and extended "invitations" but Ben turned her down.. because they felt that he was not yet at his peak and he wanted to be if he was going to be with her.
Now, let's explore this. Assuming that two people get a chance to be a couple only once in their lives, and you only have one opportunity.. wouldn't you want to be the perfect self for the one that you feel is perfect too? Hmmm hmmm hmmm? Perfection is so overrated.

Alas, fools in love. Is there any other kind of lover?

Holding Hands

2009-04-23T23:42:00.002+08:00

It has been a week of Great Movies!

Romance is the theme of the week i guess, Frost/Nixon aside. It has been a while since i was in the mood for movies of this kind. Sort of like reviving whatever remnants of the hopeless romantic that once was. *shy*

Starting off with the only non-romance. Frost/Nixon is a rather engaging story. It's a true story so i guess that helps. OMG really: Frank Langella was superb in the movies as President Nixon!! Very creepy!!!! HOLY. Now that i've watched him i'm not exactly convinced that Sean Penn was better than him in Milk leh. Oh wells.

Sepet! Malay word for: slit eyes, refering to chinese single eye-lids. Malaysian film by Yasmin Ahmad. A very Malaysian film. One i thoroughly enjoyed. Have been wanting to watch it since i heard about it from the newspapers when it came out. Malay girl and Chinese Boy, romance, Malaysian.
I still don't know what's up with the supporting actor playing 'keong'... hahah, walao, his acting is practically as good as mine la.
LoL really couldn't tahan him when he had that heart to heart talk with Ah Loong.
Sepet is not exactly same lovely as Love Actually. Not exactly as romantic as The Notebook. One thing for damn sure: I freaking love it!
*beams with pride* Ahhh... good stuff arr~
I want to get the original uncut version of the film! Be it DVD or *shudders* VCD.
Still clueless about Sepet? Watch this then:

Good Will hunting! Is damn good! Haha, pardon the pun. Good Will Hunting, is just awesome. It really really is a good film, i can't put a finger to it, nor can't i explain exactly why. It's just, good. Go watch it!!! I guarantee you'll enjoy it! *puts seal of approval*
Dang it, would've added in to my magazine article had i watched it earlier.
Mmm hmm, so it is. Two films that going to added to my favourite movies list, no doubt about that.

Actually Good Will Hunting and Sepet are connected! Hee hee. Watch this scene.

People in singapore are complaining that a very recent family ad is a rip off of Good Will Hunting!

But as it turns out, that ad was directed by non other than Yasmin Ahmad herself! Haha. Nonetheless, i thought the ad was very nicely done though. Yasmin does admit she drew inspiration from Good Will Hunting.
People are saying that the ad encourages people to lower their standards and get married.
ROFL! Ahhhh, 开心就好 everyone. :p

and so the hopeless romantic awakes, jumps around happily while listening to Jason Mraz - Lucky.
and falls back to his ageless slumber when the song ends.

Finished Twilight. The unabridged audiobook. I've been listening to it to and from work, quite a few interesting things that were missing from the movie as expected.
But having said that, it's a super click-lit la -_-
pfft. i read on the newspaper sometime back that Twillight was dubbed the new Harry Potter. BACKSIDE la!
LOL, eh, wait. Or was it meant for the little girls who grew up reading harry potter? Hmmm, that would make so much more sense.
Walao, totally cannot tahan the "romance" part of the stories lo. Zzz. Rubbish
Mmm hmmm, onto New Moon unabridged to accompany me when traveling on the mrt.

Will really need to start with my IA report next week. No more procrastinations~ and distractions~
and so ladies and gentlemen, it's that time of the week again: Friday!
lalala. Going home tomorrow.
Peace out.

“喂，从今天起，你就跟着我，你是我的女人” - My roomie, his dream line for girls? lol.

"Opps, i think i got feeling liao" - Friend of my roommate, after reluctantly going on a date with a girl who likes him but whom he had "no feeling" towards.

"Don't stereotype people. Not every Chinaman is a cheat and not every Malay is lazy." - Keong
"Ah, but that's where you're wrong... Every Malay is.. [cuts off] " - Orked
She was going to say LAZY. ROFL!!!! The Malaysian Film Board censored it!!!! :D
You gotta love Sepet. Really. *heart melts*

OMG!!!! Just after i finished this blog, i freaking found this!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Cute.
*heart evaporates*

42.

2009-04-14T22:35:00.012+08:00

A group of hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings demand to learn the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything from the supercomputer, Deep Thought, specially built for this purpose.
It took Deep Thought 7½ million years to compute and check the answer, which turns out to be 42.
-The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

“Those who are dead, are not dead, they’re just living in my head.”
- Coldplay - "42".
When asked if the song's title was Hitchhiker's-related, Chris Martin said, "It is and it isn't."

Those that watch lost: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42.
42 explains itself once again, and it is no coincidence. Hoho.

42.
You’re looking at the answer to life, the universe and everything. And I am not joking. Google the answer to life, the universe and everything and see what come up :p for those lazy bums there too lazy to type,click here.

Alas, that question has been lingering in my mind for quite a few weeks now. Watched The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy again just to have a little fun and found what i was looking for. So, what is the answer to life, the universe and everything? Seriously.

Ahhh.. the fragilities of human relationships. Indeed, it is a widely known and documented fact that human relationships are fragile and too unpredictable. Thus, it is widely advised in Zen books and what not, that to achieve real happiness, so to speak, one has to let go of worldly possessions. “Worldly Possessions”. Hah.
To narrow human relationships down, every teenager and young adult’s best/worst friend: Boy-Girl Relationships! The reason for my lamenting then. Not because of me, I have somewhat resigned to the beautiful fact that my life is sufficient with me, family, friends. The soloist. Hehe. Nothing ventured nothing gained does have its benefits.

Close friends, and not so close ones, and some acquaintances have been facing crisis in relationships. Unrequited, changed of heart, cheated, doubts, prolonged heartache. What is a friend to do at these times? I feel utterly sad, at the same time knowing that there isn’t much that I can do apart from muttering a silent prayer and some show of concern. Helplessness sucks. =(

Which begs the question: What is the meaning in life then? If supposed, tomorrow, you find the love of your life, and indeed, the feelings are mutual. Fantastic! You’ll be overjoyed, jumping up and down, looking around and asking yourself, my gosh, life is bloody brilliant, it has so much colour, food tastes damn good. *plot twist* But to what end?
If the uncertainty in life sets it so that what you have today, might not necessary be yours tomorrow, and everyone is on the roller coaster of life, what is the point? (Religious viewpoints aside). Assuming that you can do well for 364 days in a year and have it wiped out in the 365th day.
But having said that, the converse holds true as well. Life is like that. It is unpredictable. It has ups and downs. You know well enough that it’s as volatile holding dynamite and walking in the desert. It is this exact same point that life is what it is. It is by not knowning the future that allows you to create it. Balancing the equation would mean that there is no more puzzle left to solve. i.e. no more point in life?

Hmmm. I seem to have reached a point of cognitive dissonance once again.

[CONTROL] [ALTERNATE] [DELETE]

Whoever said ignorance is bliss clearly hasn’t experienced cognitive dissonance before. Haha.

Which brings me to another topic: Damien Rice. Although I personally think that Damien Rice is absolutely brilliant, I am very much reluctant to.. .. share his brilliance,
just because it’s not exactly a good thing to do. The reason being, Damien is the most depressing thing out there in the market, it would be impossible to listen to 9 Crimes without finding a tinge of sadness (huge understatement), but yea, the point is, Damien isn’t very conducive for a happy and positive state of mind. But then, he’s not that extreme as to compel you to slit your wrists, just pure blissful sadness. I’ve tried to minimize listening time on Damien, and no doubt, life was that much brighter. Yet, time and time again, I’ll return to that cave, dark, hidden, alone. Now, if you would like a tiny taste to what it’s like to be in the cave: here you go. Not for the fainted hearted, and the depressed.

Damien is not everyone’s cup of tea, thank heavens! Otherwise, we would have everyone walking around like Marvin the Paranoid Android! Either you'll think he’s ok, or you find his bedside moping a pain and wonder why would anyone want to listen to the rubbish funeral tunes

All in all, this is probably just a senseless rant, fuelled by events around me (not involving me per se, so do not worry) an ounce of Damien Rice, and Marvin the paranoid android!!! :D

**lalala, jumps around and continues being happy with Marvin whispering random thoughts in the ear.**

Oh ya, haha, I am getting old! I totally forgot to mention about my birthday. Doh~
It was a quiet affair, which is good. Phone calls from near and far, texts, wall posts, songs, burgers, cakes, subway, soup, friends, family - The things that matter.
Life is good wad~ :p (cognitive dissonance is bliss)

Birthday wish? The same as the previous couple of years:
Health and Happiness to family and friends.
Everything else is secondary. =)
cheers

Broken

2009-03-31T23:14:00.014+08:00

Here i am again.
It took a while.
But nonetheless i am here

Took me longer than expected for yea,
this is be a long and quite random post.

Went for badminton today, been having fun ever since finding badminton kaki again.
Which brings me to - badminton racquets.
Always liked badminton racquets, they cost quite a lot, and all of my past racquets have been passed from my dad to me.. since he retired from playing badminton, i pretty much took control of the racquets. There are 2 in particular, both PRO-ACE. I brought one to singapore when i first came to ntu.
This is what it looks like

Red strings, changed the handle grip a year ago.

I think my recent badminton skills must have improved a lot. Cos this evening, while i was racing for a shot and taking a swing... this happened:

It broke in half! -_-

I've never seen a badminton racquet split like this ever, and it's not those cheap racquets, nor did i hit the floor... i merely took a swing at the shuttlecock!
The whole thing broke off and flew across another court, thankfully no one got hit. Zzzz.

Was contemplating not throwing the racquet away, eh, no la, it's beyond repair so i wasn't exactly planning on keeping it.. but throwing it away.. I'm too sentimental about these things i guess. But regardless, it's in the dumpster now.
I need to go back home to take my racquet! Hoho, should take the better one. Hahaha.

Damn cliché it is, but seriously, you only live once. There are many things in life that you only get to experience once. Things that you only have one chance to do. That's part of the beauty isn't it? There will be times, no doubt, when you wish that you can just survive this period (eg exam weeks, assignment deadlines) but, if you do so, you probably just risk throwing your life away by endless wishing it to pass you by sooner, don't you agree?
Ahhh. With Perpetual Motion 2 done and dusted, i pretty much wrapped up the biggest challenge as Publications Secretary of MAE club. It's been quite the ride really, too many stories, of angry, of disappointment, of gratitude, of happiness, of satisfaction, and most importantly- of growth. There was much hesitation the night before i decided to submit the forms to run for the portfolio, many doubts, a tinge of laziness. In retrospect, i'm happy i did push myself that extra mile. Being a "leader" of sorts, you learn things about yourself.
Leadership, learned from the OBS trip to Pulau Ubin that there are 3 main parts of leadership: Process, People, Product. I have noticed that i am more of a Product and People type. The process is damn messsed up, partly due to my insecurities about asking for help from other people. Heh, and when i do decide to take a chance on someone, hohoho, he goes and do a shitty job for me, which makes me wonder why the hell did i do it in the first place. GAH, this is getting out of hand, too whiny.
One major thing i learned: I need to learn how to disagree agreeably. Most of the time i just get wayyy too engrossed in thinking: "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU THINKING".
The other thing realize is that many things are not meant to be taken personally. I feel that throughout the working process for the magazine, i might have inadvertently stepped on some toes, but yea.. the may sound damn cold, but it's honestly isn't anything personal at all. (Actually, it's the toes stepping that made me realize: I need to know how to disagree agreeably realization)
Mmmm hmmm, i truly enjoyed the challenge though. It's by pushing yourself to the limit and challenge your self-perceived boundaries that you are able to become better.
With that said, i really am thankful for my subcomms. Throughout the whole thing i was trying to be the kind of leader that i would've wanted if i were in their shoes. Hope i did alright.
Special thanks to you-know-who, your experience and assistance given is greatly appreciated.
As you would have put it: 多来买家私 (Cantonese)

Life ar life.. Been a little down lately. Thinking about the future in general. Just had a very brief briefing about the final year major prescribed electives and the options for specialization that we have. At the crossroads once again, not sure what to choose. Maritime seems the way to go with good money. Biology has always been my interest so biomedical engineering is appealing too. Then been doing a lot programming in my attachment as well and it's rather fun and i would like to think i'm pretty good at it :p... haha.
But then.. doubts everywhere. Hahaha. Well, do have another couple of months to think about it, but hor.. Final Year Project (FYP) selection is sooner than that leh.. and it said that it would be good if the FYP topic you select synergizes with the subjects you choose.. so.. yea.

Wah, if you have managed to read until here, i salute you!! LOL. (it's been pretty boring rants and all no?). So... Let me reward you with a little interesting tidbit.
In totally side note, there's this co-worker at autodesk, not an intern, two cubicles away. And of late, i am slightly alarmed and disturbed that i am finding her.. .. attractive. More alarmed than disturbed, i mean, that's nothing much to be disturbed right, though i am beginning to think i stare at her too often, LOL.
She's older, tall, no skirts, all jeans, no high-heels, all sneakers. Dang. Everytime she walks by.. she unwittingly tugs my heartstrings. (Not her fault, i know :p)
Hah, anyway, i'm sure it's just a phase.

Peace out.

-

2009-03-22T22:17:00.003+08:00

Alas! I am backz.
After what, like almost 4 weeks?! Woot... after the longest time, i've finally changed my blog description! It used to read 'lights will guide you home'... and i thought it was high time that it got a change. There were a few contenders, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' was one.. but yea, a little too strong that one though the events of the past months have tempt me to choose that. 'Happiness is only real when shared' this came in a close second.. was torn between the two: in the end.. well i choose the one that you're seeing on the top of the page now.

First of all, let me say: I HAVE FREAKING SURVIVED PERPETUAL MOTION 2!!
And i will not want to talk anything more about it in this entry.

Ahhh... The air of a free man is good stuff.
Been on a movie frenzy since regaining my time, Twilight, Definitely Maybe, Defiance, Paul Blart Mall Cop.
Twilight? If being a vampire means perfect skin, no need to sleep ever, super fast reflexes and all, please... count me in. Hah. Apart from that, quite ok movie la.. Still don't know what all the fuss about Robert Pattinson is about though.. Kristen Steward on the other hand is a pretty! Her character was so so lousy though, "Edward, edward, i can't live without your love!!". Argh.. zero character development in the movie.
Paul Blart? Do not watch it. Unless you really really REALLY have nothing else better to do.
Definitely Maybe is... GOOD! Wah, the best chic-flick i've been in a long long time.
Defiance? Not bad either heh. Had a mix of morality and leadership ethics in the story too, so yea.

Walao.. i had so much to write about yet now gone blank. Zzzz.
Will blog again soon i guess. :p

The Pot of Gold.

2009-02-25T20:43:00.000+08:00

The day was fine. Rain coming in finally after a couple weeks of insane heat.

And so there i was, working OT a little, towards the end of the stint for the day.

"Anthony Anthony, come take picture.. rainbow."
I went over with the handphone, looked out, and saw this:

-From the 8th floor of Fusionopolis, Buona Vista.

Awestruck.
I honestly can't remember when was the last time i saw a rainbow. And this one certainly brightened up my day. =)

"Go walk to the end and get the pot of gold" - Suryanto, colleague/supervisor.
"Nah, i want 4D number" - Colleague from QA division.
"The only number you'll find is the DID (defect ID number) - Keng Leng
..... lol (we fix software defects, fyi)

Ahh.. life has been quite good i would say. I am enjoying work (surprised too, i am). All's well. Things just feel like jigsaws falling into place you know. The picture might not be perfect but nonetheless, i am content :)
There just a little shadow of a thing called Perpetual Motion 2 lingering over the shoulder that's all :p
2 intense weeks coming up. Will blog thereafter. Cheerio.

when i see you smile.

2009-02-14T01:38:00.020+08:00

Moonlight lit walk paths
The weather rather warm with a tinge of breeze
It blows gently as if not to rush the lovers taking a midnight stroll

Quite the sight , couples walking along, some holding hands, some talking enthusiastically while taking in the moment of closeness
Sharing, caring and connecting
For a moment the world fades, and all that's left is the flower in your embrace.

The trembling hand
The unsteady leg
The blush of the cheeks as you turn the corner
sweat creeks down

Nothing unusual, nothing strange.. close to nothing at all
Nonchalance is merely a shield for the heart, albeit a weak one
But faced with competition
the flight of fight that leaves the scene
It's not that we're scared, it's just that its delicate.

When i see you smile, it feels like i'm falling..

Anyways, that was valentine's, post-midnight.. along nanyang crescent. (and yes, i was walking alone :p )
All's good. Not to worry. :)

As usual for a Saturday, like always, i went to church for sunset mass.
took bus 199, alighted .. but different from usual, i walked instead, through the HDB flats in attempt to find a shortcut. according to Pythagoras theorem, it would be there, haha. In the end, i think the distances were more or less equal. Anyways, while walking (it takes about 10mins from the bus stop to church), there was this indian man that called out to me, 'boy, boy..'
like any other well adjusted Malaysian citizen who has been told numerous insanely terrible horror stories about robbery and what not - the first instinct that came to mind was: walk away, and there'll be no trouble. But then, the old man called to me, and despite the cynical thought that had reached my frontal lobe first, reason arrived soon after. Two things: one, i am in singapore not malaysia. Two, i am going to church and it would be insanely hypocritical if i hadn't stopped to help a man that seemingly needed it. (a 'what would Jesus do' moment of sorts, haha)

Anyways, so i walked towards the old man, he said he was it pain and he can't walk anymore. Well then, i then asked him to sit down and rest. I processed to call the ambulance (first time ever!). Took out the handphone, dialed 112 (don't know whether 999 works or not). Anyway, my description of the emergency was 'err.. there's a old man, indian, who seems to have difficulty walking'. Hah, on hindsight, it seems a weak description :D but it was really the best i could muster given the situation leh. Then the operator asked for the address, then i had no look to the nearest HDB block which read '176 boon lay ave'. They say they'll send an ambulance. So i waited with the indian guy lo. He took out his IC.. then i saw 1962 as the birth date. Thus, old man probably wasn't exactly a good description of the guy. Anyways, aiyoh, while waiting with him, was damn anxious la. First of all, he was really really in pain. The guy was crying while sitting on the pavement, what do you think? And the first aid knowledge that i had was 3 years in the red crescent during primary school! HAH.
So, yes, i was next to useless. Then i began to worry, since the guy was groaning and tearing about how much pain he was in, how long would it take for the ambulance so arrive? I told him that i knew it must be painful and to bear with it lo, useless in terms of practicality but what else was i supposed to do? Of course, i asked whether he fell, how did he hurt himself that kind of stuff but yea, he only said there was a 'metal' in his leg and it was very painful ( so i guess from a past surgery?). Then the police called, asking whether i needed police assistance. I told them it was fine and that i would just wait with him till the ambulance arrives (this call came a minute after i had made the call for ambulance).
Like i was saying, i had no idea how fast/slow the ambulance would arrive. Then, yet again, i imagined what it would be like in malaysia, probably will take a long long time. 2 minutes later, the ambulance had arrived! Could you believe it? So it basically just took 3 minutes, 4 minutes tops, for an ambulance to arrive la. Wah, i am freaking impressed with singapore's civil defence la. Excellent efficiency.
And so the paramedics came, i told them everything i knew, which was very little. Stayed for a while longer till then brought him to the ambulance, then continued my walk to church lo.

Haha, as usual, i think i might have blogged far far too detailed for my own good. :p
Anyways, i have watched Gran Torino and Revolutionary Road. I simply loved Gran Torino!! Clint Eastwood's last acting role in a film i think? Wah, i tell you. I wasn't really keen on watching it at first. I recall hearing a friend say that the ending is quite unexpected. In the end, i really loved the movie!! It's probably just right behind Slumdog in my list of movies from this past year. I could totally relate to Clint Eastwood's character. It's unbelievable how old fashioned, i am.. in some case la. :p Check out this nice piece of music from the soundtrack :)!
Next, Revolutionary Road. Hah, when i first saw this trailer, i think it was about october last year? I had all these hopes that it would like a romantic love story the likes of the notebook. Hah, it turned out to be quite the opposite really. But nonetheless, a very good movie too! Ahh, so many good movies lately, i am glad :)
Oh ya, the oscars. I tip Slumdog to win best picture la, although i myself havent watchecd benjamin button and frost/nixon yet. But still, it's a feeling. Will blog again after watching those two. But hor, for the category of best supporting actor right: i know Heath Ledge is favourite to win for sentimental reasons la, and i think it's nice too. But that guy from Revolutionary Road. Wah i tell you.. his performance was top-drawer, absolutely top-drawer. Even better than Philip Sermour Hoffman in Doubt. Wahhhh.
Oh ya, watched Nick and Norah's infinite playlist too.. cute movie.

Have more to write but will wait till next time. Ahhhh. It's sunday night already, monday again tomorrow.... Cheerio people =)

Untitled.

2009-02-08T22:37:00.003+08:00

Ahh.. ..
Another weekend gone, went fishing on Saturday. Then yet another mini-gathering of classmates at seemingly random intervals. Then again, this is probably the last one in a while with people going off back to Australia, Kl, and Taiwan.

Heart's been rather in a bit of a mope. Hmmm, maybe due to the flu and some other things. Never mind then, but my courage has left me too, I'm afraid. We'll see how it goes then. There was a time where i was a self-righteous person, a little too much for my own good some times, but nonetheless..
i don't know when it started, but of late, self-righteous has been replaced with frustration and self-doubt. Where certainty once was present, doubt now dwells.
It may have been the flu, the changes taking places here and there, and the unchecked imagination.

The time machine paradox: if you now feel like wish to travel back in time and change the past, your present self would not have the need to travel back in time in the first place. Haha, that was a little random.

Slumdog millionaire was great! Really good engaging stuff. It was so much more than anything i had expected. Shed a tear in the end as well.

Life!

2009-02-04T22:20:00.006+08:00

OH MY!
It has been more than 3 months since the last update!!
Haha.. aiyoh.. life has been flashing by, really.

The exams came and went, holidays did the same.
2009 is here, CNY has past.. ahhh..

Ok lo, start with IA i guess. I'm in Autodesk, official title being "software development intern". It has been good so far, difficult stuff coming ahead yes, hopefully will manage to get done what needs doing and contribute. Autodesk has been rather swell so far! My colleagues are good people, real friendly and all. (doubt they'll be reading but really, it's true). My department is called EDM (Engineering Data Management), we handle the data management (duh!) part of AutoCAD lo. It's a program called vault. I've been doing some automation testing for the new builds and contacting customers regarding fixes for their crashes. Haha, there were a couple of customers that left me messages in the crash error report comments, "To: Anthony Tee" they left.. ha, the little satisfactions of life.
We had yee shang (lo hei, as some singaporeans put it) last friday for our department. (psst, so far it's the only one i've seen in autodesk that has had it) It coincided with the monthly birthday celebrations in our department. There were 15 full-time colleagues and 2 interns, daniel and me. HAH, felt totally out of place initially, but it was ok after a bit). We had cheese cake too. Happiness.

Oh ya.. totally forgot to mention about the petite girl from HR that's very pretty!!
Heh, taking a risk by blogging it i guess, lol.

CNY was great. Met up with a lot of classmates. Although i had to come back to singapore on the second day of CNY (my heart sank when i realized it, waking up that day). Still, you get over stuff like this i guess.

Movies and Tv shows, life's pleasures. What else could you ask for? Since it's oscar season, life in the Dvd-screener department really has been excellent! So many Dvd-screener leaked! Doubt was super-clear. Thought it was rather good. Another one i personally was looking forward to was: The Reader. Ahhh, it didn't disappoint. Good stuff that one. Still have lots of movies to watch: Slumdog millionaire (which has been getting all that oscar hype), revolutionary road, the wrestler, changeling, australia, defiance, frost/nixon, gran torino, benjamin button. All lying in my harddisk :p
Lost season5!!! Haha. Don't get me started. It is just goooooood!, big bang theory has also been back to its funniest best!
Ahhhh.. life is good. Heheh. What is missing then? A date for Valentines! Hahaha...
Actually, it just that my mood has been quite good today, just wait a while till it swing to the other pole. Then we'll have a totally different post.

A few quotes from the lo hei i mentioned above:

"Gone defects, gone!" - Keng Leng, Autodesk colleague, during the yeeshang, traditionally where you say wishes and auspicious things for the new year.

"Clarify database crash!" - Another colleague. Clarify is the database where defects are logged. (our department fixes defects for Vault, in case you haven't realized, haha)

"IA(Industrial Attachment) get A arrr!" - Anthony Tee, to the laughter of a few colleagues for his honestly, haha, let's hope it comes true! :)

'If you always think the way you always thought, you will always get what you always got.' - Anonymous. From Case Studies in Abnormal Behavior.
-From Dennis' blog, liked it a lot.

"Doubt can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty. When you are lost, you are not alone." - Father Brendan Flynn. From the movie Doubt.

Until next time people, it won't be too long this time.

Switching off.

2008-10-18T15:06:00.005+08:00

"Excuse me, i'm going to jail"
- Gregory House, House s03e11. Right after Cameron hugged him.

Hmmm pretty much a nothing post. :p

Last of the men in hats hops off the coil
And a final scene unfolds inside
Deep in the rain of sparks behind his brow
Is a part replayed from a perfect day
Teaching her how to whistle like a boy
Love’s first blush

Is this making sense?
What am I trying to say?
Early evening June
This room and a radio play
This I need to save
I choose my final thoughts today
Switching off with you

All the clocks give in
And the traffic fades
And the insects like a neon choir
The instant fizz
Connection made
And the curtains sigh
In time
With you

You, the only sense the world has ever made
Early evening June
This room and radio play
This I need to save
I choose my final scene today
Switching off

Ran to ground for a while there
But I came off pretty well

You, the only sense the world has ever made
This I need to save
A simple trinket locked away
I choose my final scene today
Switching off with you

of OBS and life thus far.

2008-09-23T23:48:00.009+08:00

It's recess, strictly speaking, but i won't be going home. First time since uni that i'm not going back for recess, then again, i live relatively nearer than the others so.. yea, no complains.
Life thus far has been challenging, and that is a severely understating the situation. I'm way back in my studies and am trying desperately to catch up now. I basically have another 6weeks or so to turn my semester around. Nonetheless, i am enjoying the stress, busy-ness and everything that life's throwing me so far, weird right? Well, God never gives us more than we can handle.

Outward Bound Singapore (check out the inverse tower picture at wiki, we climbed that!). I had heard about outward bound singapore for quite a while now but never really knew what it was all about. This past weekend, 20-22nd. I went for a 3 day program on pulau ubin with LDP (Leadership development program) of MAE as a representative from MAE club. Quite the experience. If only my mind was not caught up with worrying about academics.

That's us. Our group photo before leaving OBS.

Instructors BoonWee and Daphne. Inspirations for the group name we had to came out: Phe and Wee. Together it's : PheeWeeet.

Time, it is the only constraint in life really. I believe given enough time and effort, everything can be achieved. As such, the limiting factor really is just time. 24 hours a day, it all depends on you how you make use of it.

Thank you.

2008-09-04T00:13:00.003+08:00

This is seriously a little late but.. Thanks everyone who helped 'campaign' for my elections. Haha, techinically speaking there was no campaigning but sincere thanks to everyone who helped spread the word and everything. Also to those that had it on their MSN personal messages, and people who voted for me. Oh ya, forgot to announce: I won. I am the new MAE club publications secretary, much to my surprise as well.

It's going to hectic here on out. Nonetheless, it going to exciting. Looking forward to the challege.

MAE club elections campaigning!!!!

2008-08-18T23:57:00.007+08:00

Good Evening ladies and gentlemen,

I have a very important announcement to make:
I am running for MAE club Publications Secretary.
Please ask all your friends to help vote for me!!!!
Voting is Thursday! The day after tomorrow.. Outside of MAE office!
PLEASE tell your friends!!
PUBLICATIONS - ANTHONY (full name : TEE MENG CHIN ANTHONY)

Thank you very much!!
Spread the word around people!!!
Thank you..

ps: because of campaigning rule number 5: Use of mass emails, distribution of flyers and fringe items, such as sweets, mechanical pencils, pack drinks, etc are NOT allowed for campaign purpose

Happiness.

2008-07-31T23:52:00.004+08:00

Ahhh... Realized i missed a couple of points in the last entry.
So here i am, again.
I'm at home at the moment, just came back in the evening.. going to bring back the bulk of my stuff from home to my new room.
Which brings me to the first point i missed the last time around: my room!
After a month of modest worrying, i've managed to secure a room in NTU. Phew..
Quite lucky to say the least, the way things worked out.. .. i first heard that partial second round hall allocation results were out on Wednesday, midway through our combined games with MSA (Malaysian Student Association). Then during the 2 hours break we SAs had, i managed to check that i had been offered a place in hall 10, noticed that i had to pay the hall acceptance fee before friday (thursday and friday were packed with camp stuff meaning i realistically only had that day to settle everything), went to the library to print the acceptance form, go the office of finance to pay the fee, all the while avoiding bumping into any juniors who were on their own playing the telematch to save their 'kidnapped' GLs. Woots, thank heavens everything worked out. Happy happy.
So i lost 2 hours of rest time but it was well worth it.. after paying the acceptance fee, i went to hall 10, and the kind lady in charge (Mrs Lee? or was it Mrs Lim) let me choose my roommate!! How bloody cool is that?!?! When i said i didn't know who was offered hall 10, she even let me look through the list.. good lady in Hall 10, you're fantastic! Alas, SyJinn's my roommate now.. after tomorrow's shifting, the only thing left to settle would be a fridge, which is a problem.. hmmm, need manpower sia.. ..

Into the wild. - One of the best movies I've managed to watch this holidays. Highly recommended. There's this line in the movie that keeps coming to mind: "Happiness is only real when shared." A lot of thoughts flash pass. It's an interesting quote don't you think? All in all, loneliness kills i guess. Haha. But seriously now, happiness isn't unreal because it's not shared, i guess in the long run, it's a feeling of 'so what?'.. .. so what if i'm this fantastically unbelievably happy yet i have no one to share with.. It might also explain why people have the urge to tell other people, share with close friends good news such as

'hey.. i've got a boyfriend already'
'hey, i've just met cute girl and her hands are incredibly warm' etc

it's not that me feeling happy alone diminishes the fact that i am well and truly happy but.. .. it's just.. the fact that you are able to share this feeling, to attempt to relate with another the euphoria that you are experiencing that is truly amazing. Just watch the movie if you have the time, you'll probably relate to the line better thereafter.

Happiness is only real when shared.

Running grapes.

2008-07-29T11:42:00.004+08:00

Hello...
yet another month has past.. it's been a busy month.
School reopens in a week's time, and FOA is just over.
As usual, i'm clueless as to where to start this entry.

There's a lot of things going through my mind, with third year approaching and Industrial Attachment following thereafter.
Well then, shall start from FOA la.. The annual camp for freshies from malaysia. Happy happy. This year i got to be an SA again. Ahh.. happiness. Due to the somewhat unfortunate events that transpired last year Long old story, i didn't really get a feel of the whole thing. Alas, being given a second chance this time around (which is special when you consider that there were only 3 people that are the same age as me other than myself that were also SAs).

Anyways, it's been a brilliant experience. Along the way, there were disgruntled mumblings in the heart, this and that, tiredness, this and that. But all in all, i knew that in the end it would all be worth it. Hmmm, how should i put it.. .. erm, my philosophy in all this was just to show the care and help given to me by my senior when i was a freshie and go given information, help and what not that i myself wished that i had been given when i was a freshie but in one way or another, wasn't.
My group name was 葡萄跑 which i translated into 'run grape, run'. Heh. The juniors were great, making all of the attached seniors to the group extremely proud. It's been an excellent 2 months of preparation and 1 weeks of spending time with the Grape people. Thanks for the memories.
photos not available on current pc.. so can't upload.

Mmm hmmm, with that passing of the baton, another year is approaching. Hopes, dreams, resolutions. The destination is clearer than ever this time, i shall succeed.

Expectant.

2008-06-18T01:41:00.005+08:00

EID official ended last Monday, and so begins the holidays proper.
Group T048 has been a blast really. There is so much i could say about it. All in all, it was a really pleasant 5weeks spent! WaiSeng, DeZien, Andy, WeeCent, WenQi, AiDi, Felix, PeiShan, YaoWei, SinKai and AhJect. It was a little disappointing not to win anything after getting our hopes up, but.. .. no guts no glory right? So.. .. heh, i'm still proud of us.
After EID, we went to Sakura for Japanese buffet, S$26 but, i tell you, the food was goood. Well, partly because i only had like 4 biscuits and a packet of chocolate milk at 7am prior to eating at 6pm. Ahhh.. .. good stuff. Had a thoroughly enjoyable time with everyone too. Yayness.

I need to get the rest of the photos.. .. this is the one i have with the most people in it.

Tuesday and Wednesday was spent lazying around my room, then i had seminar on Thursday through the weekend. The 18th Youth in the Spirit Seminar (YISS). I had doubts and all about going last minute really, but thank god that in the end, i managed to muster the strength to wake up at 6am (because i had to reach HouGang mrt station by 8.30am) and go.
The experience was just.. .. .. super.
I was skeptical about what really i could/would experience in YISS, most people that attended YISS had the same questions i had i'm sure. And like me, after their camp, their personal experience i'm sure is also an unique one.
It's a spiritual high of course, after 4 days of camp, that is what most people would feel. I feel the same too. In fact, my spiritual euphoria came actually after we had broke camp and were heading back. The experience is too long to be put in a blog entry i suppose (ask me and i tell you personally), but yea, God definitely gave me an incredible sign. The way the pieces of the puzzle fell into place, not only for me, but also for my facilitator Grace, it was truly out of this world. God works in amazing ways!!
They say the difficult part would be to sustain this spiritual peak and not backslide in the weeks, months and years after camp that is really the issue. I can only say that i pray this experience God gave me will be the rock on which i lay the foundation for my faith for the rest of my life.

Venite adoremus
Venite adoremus
Venite adoremus Domino!

Withdrawal Syndrome

2008-06-03T22:37:00.010+08:00

Movies watched: Iron man, Charlie Wilson's war, Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull
Dramas completed: Nobuta wo Produce, Kurosagi.
Listening to: Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism
Addicted to: Damien Rice - What this night is for + sleep don't weep

IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!!
Hello folks! It's been a while since i blog posted.
If there are faithful readers that have been checking this blog, apologies for the lack of updates, life's been quite the ride. The previous few were a little short, partly cos i was feeling a little emo back then.
Also, i haven't been updating my msn spaces when i update this blog so.. yea, i guess readership is facing a downslide. Probably won't be doing the double post anymore, one last time maybe, but those who want to read, will read right? RSS the thing la people! :p

It's the 5th week of EID(Engineering Innovation and Design) already! Which means... i should've had 5weeks of holidays already. Nonetheless, EID has been quite fun thus far, i don't mind the 5weeks given to them at all.
Open House for EID going to be this coming monday. Heh.

Well then, what can i blog about? There was the Singapore National Concrete Canoe competition, that, i will go into in the next post ba.. will copy the bulk from my captain's bloggie.
Wah, suddenly i can't think of anything to blog. .. .. Probably wrote too much in my journal, then not feeling the urge to share.

In other news, Lost season 4 finale is freaking good. Keeps you hanging of course. Pushing Daisies starts on channel 5 this coming sunday! Or was it the past sunday? Well, i'm sure it'll find tons of new fans..

There is a folder on my desktop, 'operation Wall.E', that didn't come to fruition, it just a zip file now.
Asking the same question in a different language achieves nothing.
Life has the tendency of making the most ironic outcomes.
You win, Mr. Je pense donc je suis.

Treat her well, you. Go watch Wall.E together, probably
something better than What happens in Vegas.

Coming of Age.

2008-04-08T13:54:00.002+08:00

And so it is.. .. ..
Twentyone.

Heartfelt thanks to everyone.
If only the exams weren't looming, amongst other things.

Everybody hurts.

2008-04-06T15:56:00.003+08:00

Could you give it a rest?
Just for one moment.. ..

.. .. Bloody.

The problem.

2008-03-31T16:38:00.001+08:00

The problem with trying too hard is.
it sucks when it still isn't good enough.

The 'problem'

2008-03-20T18:30:00.002+08:00

There were four team members named -
Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.

There was an important task to do and
Everybody was asked to do it.

Everybody was sure Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did.

Everybody was angry about that, because it was Somebody's job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't.

In the end, Everybody blamed Somebody
when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Mmm hmm.. copied that from another friend's blog.
Back to my work .. .. ..
Tomorrow starts today, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh yes, it does.

You fail to amuse me!

2008-03-19T18:18:00.010+08:00

This is what happens when you attempt to study maths while nursing a crushed heart. See? No constant :(

Hahaha :D

argh, the status quo sucks.

2008-03-13T21:54:00.005+08:00

~~This is a story about how one hundred and ninety nine hearts failed to win the one heart. It started with a~~

This is a story about a boy trying to improve his chinese.

近水楼台先得月

我亦没有楼台亦没有月亮

只有初次的两行泪

技不如人

嗯，还是隐居好啊。。。隐居。

Plant the thought. Watch it grow. Wind it up. Let it go.

Falling slowly

2008-02-28T01:34:00.002+08:00

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Hmmm.. why does it ache? I haven't even done anything yet! WHY? How come it aches ar? Weird.. the source of all aches.

The Paradox of Choice.

2008-02-26T23:56:00.004+08:00

Before settling for engineering, which ironically would you believe - was almost the furtherest thing on my mind when i graduated from high school, i liked biology. So it was initially something along the likes of biomedical science, molecular biology, that kind of stuff.
Then there was psychology. Human behavior is just fascinating isn't it? From the unbelievably self-sacrificial to the devilishly self-centered. Always wanted to understand why behind it all.
So my first choice was bioengineering which is history now.
In my seemingly never ending search for the user's manual to operate Tee Meng Chin Anthony - how it works and why. I turned to the field of psychology and have found a gem in Barry Schwartz's The paradox of choice.

So here's the good parts:

Unlike other negative emotions - anger, sadness, disappointment, even grief - what is so difficult about regret is the feeling that the regrettable state of affairs could have been avoided and that it could have been avoided by you, if only you had chosen differently.
After millions of years of survival based on simple distinctions, it may simply be that we are biologically unprepared for the number of choices we face in the modern world.
There are two types of people: maximizers and satisficers.
Maximizers are people who are not happy unless they have obtained "the best" in whatever circumstance. This requires them to look at every option before coming to a decision.
Satisficers are those who are willing to settle for what is merely good enough without needing to make sure there is no better options. Satisficers have certain criteria or standards that if met will make their decision for them.
Being a maximizer can exact a bitter toll on your life. If everything you do has to be just right, you lay yourselves open for hefty self-criticism. You crucify yourselves for choice we made that didn't turn out right, and wonder why we never explored other options.
In contrast, satisficers are more forgiving of themselves for mistakes, thinking "i did what i did based on the choices before me." Satisficers don't believe they can create a perfect world for themselves, and so are less bothered when - as is normally the case- the world is imperfect.
Studies show that maximizers are generally less happy, less optimistic, and more prone to depression than satifcing people. If you want more peace of mind and life satisfaction, be a satisficer.

=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=

In another completely unrelated subject. I wanted to buy perfume for a friend. I had it all planned out - moonflower from the body shop. It was the near perfect plan.
I went there just now.. only to realize, they've discontinued the moonflower fragrance. ARGH. I don't know much about perfume, but there best female one i personally like is moonflower.
Discontinued. No fate lor. How now?

Hmm, sometimes, we reach out.. .. to one another for reasons unknown to us. Just reach out and expect nothing in return. Isn't that strange?

新年快乐。

2008-02-05T14:24:00.000+08:00

Listening to : 桑田佳祐 -明日晴れるかな
Addicted to : 陈绮贞-太多

Yosh!!
My lab finished about 2 hours plus early, and i'm skipping tomorrow's class to go back home!
Anyways, thought i'd spend a little time blogging a few funny stuff that i've seen people say over the past week or so, most about engineering/science students applying their logic to social sciences. >shakes head< style="font-style: italic;">matter-of-fact manner, "because it absorbs all the wavelengths of light and reflects none".

GV11: Aesthetics and creative use of 2D Media. Basically, you analysis graphic designs, logos and stuff. There's this theory: the sum of all parts must be greater than the individual parts, meaning that the individual pictures or graphics that make up the poster/design will have greater effect when they are put together. Then, one student asked from the back: "err, sorry, i'm an engineer and i don't quite understand, "why is the sum greater than the parts?"
Clearly, he was thinking 1+2+3 = 6, how can 1+2+3 > 6???

Also, the econs lecturer shared an interesting story this morning: Do you know why there isn't a Nobel prize for mathematics? They have been mathematician that have won the prize for other fields of course, but there's no one standalone prize for them. The popular saying is that because, Alfred Nobel's wife/mistress/girlfriend cheated on him with a mathematician, thus, he specifically directed that there be no Nobel prize for mathematicians. Tough luck guys..

Haha, well, at least i thought they were funny.
:p
Anyways, off back home.

Happy Chinese New Year guys and gals!
Stay safe, win big during the gambling, don't drink and drive.
新年快樂！！

Happiness is a warm gun.

2008-01-31T21:59:00.000+08:00

Listening to : The Beatles - Happiness is a warm gun

I am so screwed by MP2011 this semester. So royally screwed that i nearly used the freaking f-word.
Argh.
Engineering graphics and Machine components.
And i thought that days of drawing were over since sec3.

To make matters worse, there's a deadline to hand up the drawings every week.
Most of the time i have no simplest idea what i am doing.
Good luck Anthony, you're in for it this time.

Panicking every week to hand in the drawings.
Depending on help from people.
The dependency is killing me as much as 2011.
The heck, it could be killing me more than 2011.
Ahhh.. weakling.

Anyways, just finished today's drawing, thank heavens.
Just letting out steam.
ROAR................

Across The Universe

2008-01-26T00:50:00.000+08:00

Listening: Jim Sturgess - Across the Universe
Addicted: Damien Rice - What this Night is for (live)

Is there anybody going to listen to my story
all about the girl who came to stay
she's the kind of girl you want so much it's makes you sorry
still you don't regret a single day

The Beatles - Girl

Voilà, and so it starts. Across the Universe a musical which has a beginning that reminds me of Moulin Rouge. Hmm, it's been a while since i've been in the mood for a love story. Basically, all the songs that you hear in Across the Universe are from The Beatles. The cast all do their own singing which is impressive. Bono from U2 makes an appearance. Well, what can i say.. all in all, it's just a nice love story to tug your heartstrings. Beautiful.

You only have one chance in a relationship don't you think?
The wrong time with the wrong person is just wrong.
The right time with the wrong person is still wrong.
The wrong time with the right person is .. .. sad.
The right time with the right person? Go figure.

The right time has past you by? Tough luck mate. 爱得太迟。

Anyways, I've always been searching for songs and singers that sing like Damien Rice. So far, the only other one that comes close is Rocky Votolato. Damien Rice is just surreal, the raw emotion - awesome. I think i may have found the chinese equivalent of Damien Rice --> 陈绮贞？ This may not may not be true but after listening to a few songs.. it's a maybe? There folk elements in her songs, and she writes her own songs. But seeing that the other few chinese singers that i know are Jay Chou and Gary Chaw.. i shan't comment any further. Thank you, you, who sent me that song. You.

Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting through my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Across the Universe - The Beatles

Atonement

2008-01-23T23:06:00.000+08:00

Listening: U2- Creep (radiohead cover)
Addicted to: nothing in particular.

Sunday, at the expensive of a tutorial, i finally watched Atonement. I had download the dvdrip for almost a week now.. time had been eluding me but i decided to steal time back. I thought i had no tutorials on monday because i didn't have any the week before, which meant that all work could wait. After watching the movie, i realized that i had tutorial the following day. The reason i didn't have it the week before? Tutorial starts week 3 for materials. Zzz.

Anyways, first things first, Atonement movie review. Hmmm, prior to watching atonement, i didn't have that much expectation. It did win the best picture at the golden globes so that had to mean something. After watching it, i have to say, it's probably the best film i've watched from 2007. Leaving out the three other very highly rated films that i haven't watched: No Country for Old Men, There will be Blood, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (talk about long titles, lol).
I watched American Gangster in the cinemas back in JB the week before last, the censorship board of malaysia surprisingly left quite a substantial amount of nudity, then again, editing them all out would have spoiled flow of the story but nonetheless i've seen them taking it out. Swearing was censored of course. Atonement, when compared with American Gangster and Eastern Promises before it, had sort of more substance to it. American Gangster and Eastern Promises were good films no doubt, but Atonement is on another level. The overall cinematography is spectacular and well directed, the story engaging and unexpected.

In short, go watch the movie if you have the time. It hits cinemas tomorrow, if you're in Singapore. If you in Malaysia, you have no choice but to fork out Rm7 and look for it with our local dvd entrepreneurs (not that i'm endorsing them but the cinemas aren't showing) . If you're in campus, can contact me via msn or go to titus' ftp.

Cheerio.

2008

2008-01-03T15:32:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Radiohead - Last Flowers to the Hopital
Addicted to: Aqualung - Broken Bones
Weather: Cloudy, windy, not so cheery.

Merry Christmas, Happy 2008.

Heh, all a little late.. but still.. it's here. The holidays are coming to an end. Semester two, should prove better than semester one i hope. Result have been okay.. not thinking too much about it, it could've been worse and i'm trying to stay positive. Ergh.

I could talk about new year's resolutions but i shan't. Simply because, it would be terribly boring.

This holidays have been spent on one main focus: things that i like to do. So there were meetings with friends, classmates, gatherings, a little christmas shopping, books and movies. Quite satisfying.

Personally, i feel that the mood that one is in would affect how he/she perceives a movie. On a happy bright day, some movies would probably seem like crap. On the other hand, some days, when the mood is a little down on the gloomy side, some not-all-is-bright-and-cheery days, a dark, depressing and seemingly insanely boring movie just might be incredibly nice to watch. Over the holidays, 3 movies stand out at the moment, probably watched only 5 altogether so. .. . Stardust, Little Children, Little Miss Sunshine. Stardust is a happy typical fantasy adventure film but nonetheless, i still liked it. Had always felt Claire Danes was pretty since Romeo+Juliet. As for Little Children and Little Miss Sunshne, the former especially, might seem boring movies but i enjoyed them. I watched LMS on christmas day. A refreshing movie to say the least.

Anyways, here's to a bigger, better, brighter, brilliant year of fulfilled dreams and desires.

Ra-dio-he-ad

2007-10-24T17:32:00.000+08:00

Imagine living as though death was not a worry and no harm could come of it because you found true purpose and experienced happiness and love so grand that everything else seemed arbitrary in comparison.

Radiohead - Videotape (Basement recording)

With that said, exams are coming. Heh.

Teen Creed

2007-08-31T18:52:00.000+08:00

Don't let your parents down,
They brought you up.
Be humble enough to obey,
You may give orders someday.

Choose companions with care,
You become what they are.

Guard your thoughts,
What you think, you are.

Choose only a date
Who would make a good mate.

Be master of your habits
or they will master you

Don't let the crowd pressure you,
Stand for something, or you'll fall for anything.

Author unknown.

Bohemian Rhapsody.

2007-08-19T02:29:00.000+08:00

They say that if you have trouble going to sleep, you should clear your mind, stop thinking and calm your thoughts....

.....Maybe.

I, for one, have realized that when you have trouble sleeping, you'll find that peculiar, hidden thoughts will surface. Things normally suppressed by your logic and reason. Late in the night, however, logic and reason have gone soft and only want to sleep. Thus, you'll find rather amusing thoughts.
All lost thoughts of dreams, hopes, and everything in between. Those that logic and reason have decided to discard altogether after the realization of the harsh reality that governs. Their existence is no longer worthy, merely a sign of weakness.
Discarded, forgotten and neglected. They sneak around the cracks of amnesia, pouncing when given the chance - An occasional visitation to stir the mind, soothe the soul.
Wandering aimlessly a place with neither rhyme nor reason. Suddenly, without warning, fear creeps from the corner of your mind. Scattered, the afterglow remains.

All is gone. All is lost.

for now.

=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=

Second week into year 2. The workload is starting to show itself. Scary stuff, really. Tons of material to cover. Self-study is a must, unlike the good old first year days when the lectures were sufficient for you to breeze through the exams. I miss the first year carefree days. Having said that, i am looking forward to the busy days ahead as well. Scouring the library, meeting deadlines, bemused after nearly every other lecture. This is exactly what university life is about, isn't it? Studying till your eyes water and your brain explode (or implode if the conditions are favourable). It's all good for future retrospecting.

Sophomore

2007-08-07T22:43:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Jewel - You were meant for me.
Addicted to : Death Cab for Cutie - A lack of Colour.

Officially no longer a freshie. Always did like the word freshman better than freshie. However, all's in the past now.
FOA came and went, had a great time. Insanely tiring but hugely satisfying. A lovely group of hunks and babes, witty and funny people. It's been good.

Although i'm not as hopelessly clueless as i was a year ago.. things are still pretty uncertain. The coming semester's going to be hectic, intense and tough. Life always is that way. Be it you're 13 or 30.

I used to choose not have expectations for many things, the simple reason being that it minimizes the risk of disappointment. Hope is an extremely fickle and fragile thing, don't you think?
I liked the way i approached things, i enjoyed my way. It was carefree, relatively discipled, without regard to whatever other people think, no much excitement -yes, more importantly.. .. .. safe.

Yet lately, especially after the appendix operation, i've realized that truly, you only live once.
You have once to learn, to enjoy, to feel, to love. To experience all that life has to offer, bittersweet in all its glory.
Of course, i'm not suggesting that everyone should quit school tomorrow and go grab the first person you see and marry. That is called rushing and is insane.
You are only a university freshman for one year, a junior attending orientation camp once.
Once. No more, no less.

Ergo, might as well embrace what comes instead of playing it safe all the time and in the latter years regretting of.. .. .. ..

A step at a time now.
A step at a time, Anthony.

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.”

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”

“ 别让遗憾偷偷跑进来了”

人生就不过是这样而已。。不要留白。。
- WenQi's blog posting and my subsequent comment. Have to practice what you preach.

The Demise of Romanticism

2007-07-30T01:24:00.000+08:00

You know that you've given up your idealistic pipedream.. ..
The romanticism of an era which will never come to be.. ..

When

In the middle of your sweetest dream come true,
your wildest fantasy materializing,
You say to yourself: 'Heck, it's too good to be true, this surely is just a dream.'

and you wake up to find reality once more.

Satire is people as they are; romanticism, people as they would like to be; realism, people as they seem with their insides left out
- Dawn Powell

nothing is lost, it's just frozen in frost

2007-07-05T23:59:00.001+08:00

i remember it well,
the first time that i saw.. .. your head around the door
cos mine stopped working

It was a meeting of pure chance, nothing more. The faintest bond was created, a new acquaintance. Everything and everyone went on.

you can hold her hand, and show her how you cry
explain to her your weakness so she understands
then roll over and die.

Morning walks dictated by fate came along. Walks up to school, in the dreamy morning, barely waken. It didn't last long, but it was nice. Dare he wish more?

i'm a creep.. i'm a weirdo
you're so f***ing special
i wish i was special.

He wanted to ask for her number, but he wasn't bold enough. But he managed to get it. It didn't seem to be leading to anything in particular. Or was it?

And so it is..
just like you said it would be..

One rose kick-started it all. It was initially just genuine gentleman gesture. It was the school anniversary, people were selling roses. He had a rose, she was performing.

I can't take my eyes off you.
.. ..can't take my eyes off you
can't take my mind of you.

He had too much on his mind. Cowardice got the better of him. He didn't dare to dream. Time threatened to sweep everything away. He gave up and let it be.
Yet.
The dreams didn't leave. He set them aside and hope that they would go away, be replaced with new ones. It didn't happen.

come all ye lost
and hope that my sanity cover the cost
to remove the stain of my love.

Insanely, a few matters got him falsely inflated again. He decided to ignore the odds that had significantly diminish since that last time and pursue the lost dream anyway, fueled and motivated by an incredibly depressing japanese love story crying out love in the centre of the world.

He probably should have taken a reality check.

and stop watching japanese dramas.

you know when you've found it..
cos you feel it when they take it away.

It started with a rose,
The night he gave her 6 marked the beginning of the end.
The writing was on the wall. But he was still wishing and hoping for the old writings.
She gave him a hug.. ..
All he can remember is : 2 seconds of heaven.

roll the dice. don't ask why.
if she stays with you then you were right
if it's still here when she's gone you're not wrong.

He's left with 2 photographs and countless memories and even more sweet dreams. Never hoping for more.
He keeps a diary. It's filled with empty pages that he hasn't gotten to writing the story of what happened in the gap. Waiting for the day when he has enough courage to pen everything down.

leave me out with the waste this is not what i do
it's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you

Remembering to forget.
Too long, way too long.
it still haunts him.
Let it go.
let it go.

Carpe Diem.

Maybe if he had told her sooner.. .. ..
Maybe if he had given up after deciding not to tell her.. .. ..
Maybe if he had deleted all the messages still in the phone.. ..
Maybe if he had accepted that she was out of his league..
Maybe if she was crueler with the rejection.. .. ..
Maybe if she wasn't so pretty.. ..
Maybe if she would kick him so hard in the head that i forgot who she was the next day.. ..

If somehow, you only fall for people who, for one reason or another, are seemingly out of your league. What do you do?

right, as if i'm expecting there to be any answers to that question.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I read from a pretty girl's blog (one from the endless list of people i'm too intimidated to talk to)
She said being in love with someone is like candy.
Candy seems sweet but gets sticky when held in the palm of your hand.
Mint is better, she said.
It leaves a fresh after-taste.

Right. I always liked mint too.

Comments are disabled for this one, folks.
Simply because - there is nothing to be said.
I like this post title.

A Long Tale.

2007-06-25T19:00:00.000+08:00

Playing: Coldplay - Fix You. (on repeat)
Yes, i just want someone to fix me up, real quick if possible.

It had been with me for over 20 years. One fine Monday morning last week, it decided to perforate, leaving in pain beyond whatever i've ever experienced..
Last monday, my appendix decided it wanted no more life with me and perforated.

It all started sunday morning, after watching a football game, was going to sleep at about 5am, talked to dad a little and then went off to bed.. suddenly, there was a pain in my left abdomen. Dismissing it as probably just some gastric discomfort i was experiencing, i tried to sleep it off.. but a little more than 2 hours later, i woke up and couldn't sleep, 7am it was. So i laid awake in my bed, bearing the slight pain which was constantly on.. parents woke up later, then after drinking a glass of warm Milo, things didn't change much.. the pain gained momentum a little to the afternoon, it was still bearable, just more unconfortable. Around 2pm, Ben (my bro-in-law, doctor) came over to check on me. After a abdomen examination, he could find nothing 'hard' all was 'soft'. (i guess 'hard' means something's inflamed?)
Anyways, the pain didn't seem to get better even after some medication he gave, one for gastric, another for the pain. In the evening, Ben called in a favour from his friend who was a surgical consultant for a private hospital, we went to let him examine me, like what Ben had said from the previous examination, there was nothing hard in my abdomen. By this time however, the pain had started to localize on my right side of the stomach, consistent with Appendicitis . So that surgeon said i could try some antibiotics and see whether the pain goes off. The antibiotics could make the Appendicitis better without having to undergo an operation. CT scan and ultrasound were suggested but they decided it wouldn't help that much anyway.
On the way back home after that, Ben told me 'if suddenly in the middle of the night, your stomach feels very painful, that probably means your appendix has perforated and you can ask your dad to fetch you to the hospital. '

so who wants to guess what happened that night?

So i went to bed sunday night with pain still present in my stomach, slept for an hour maybe? Then the pain took over and i laid on the bed awake. I was imagining what would happen if i really were admitted to the hospital. I looked at the clock, 3.30 am. Judging by the pain not going away for so long, i had a bad feeling that i was probably hospital bound soon. I thought the morning would be a good time to tell dad to send me to the hospital. Suddenly, while i was sleeplessly pondering all those thoughts, the pain quadrupled. Mind you, the pain before was bearable but often fluctuates to the borderline of my threshold of pain. So imagine the maximum pain you can stand without screaming out loud, then quadruple it.
So, from first sign of pain till perforation, less than 24hours. Zzz.

Hard to imagine but the pain of your appendix perforating is, indeed, that painful.
The pain quadrupling confirms the hypothesis that my appendix has perforated, that is only the beginning. The problem now was: I couldn't move without experiencing excruciating pain. So, part one of the impossible was to notify my parents. I somehow managed to wake mom up. Then a mistake was made. You see, i was in pain and the only thing i wanted was to stop the pain. So, i asked mom to make me a glass of Milo and give me the painkillers first before sending me to the hospital. Looking back now, i should've just taken the painkillers with plain water la, but i had always known that painkillers on an empty stomach wasn't very advisable, that why i asked for the Milo.
Back to the story: The painkillers did absolutely nothing to ease the pain. The next thing impossible thing i had to do was possibly the hardest throughout the entire ordeal. I had to move from the room upstairs to dad's car downstars. Normally, this would be a piece of cake. But, like i said, I was in EXCRUCIATING pain. The vocabulary i have is just not sufficient enough to described the pain in whole. I can only say this: the trip from the room to the car is possibly the most difficult 20 metres in my life. I had to bear the pain, there was no other solution. I was feeling nauseous, as if the Milo would be coming out any minute now. The feeling persisted until after i was admitted to the hospital and waiting for the operation. Thankfully however i did not vomit.
In addition to the pain while i tried to get to the car, i had to make sure i don't scream or anything, my parents were probably worried and panicking already by my groans and the obvious look on my face.
In the end, i decided and managed to just bear the pain without freaking my parents out and get to the car. Did i mention it was painful?

We made it to the hospital, Ben said he would meet us there. I thought that arriving at the hospital was the end of my pain. I was so wrong.
First of all, i thought that arriving at the hospital meant that i wouldn't have to move so much with all the pain. After reaching the hospital, i had to move to a wheel chair, by that time i was already in so much pain it should be a crime asking me to move. After the wheelchair, i moved to a bed in the emergency room, after mustering enough energy and withstanding all the pain, i got onto the bed. There, a peripheral intravenous line was started on my right hand. The pain from the perforated appendix was so bad that i was actually happy to feel pain that was so much more smaller. Then after a while, they had to move me to the ward, where i was to rest and wait till the OT(operation theatre) was prepared. So i bloody had to move again!! Can you believe it?! Walao.. .. so i return back to the wheelchair and they pushed me to the ward where i moved back to a bed. All this while in pain and nauseous.
Secondly, i thought that arriving in the hospital would mean they would put me out of my pain and just give me a shot of painkillers. That didn't happen until after i reached my temporary ward in pain. 5 minutes after that i finally heard them saying that they were going to give me painkillers. It took another 10minutes for the painkillers to arrive. They gave me was Pethidine. It was given via intramuscular shot on my left arm, since my right was already on the IV drip. It has now become my favourite drug and i shall remember it for a long long time. It worked fantastically, i can attest to that. :D
Ben told me as the shot was given: congratulations, you are now a drug addict. Hehe.
Pethidine relieved my pain. I could smile again. It was 5am+ in the morning. I was to wait till 8am for the OT to be ready. In the case that no pregnant women or heavily injured people come needing the OT too, that is. 8am was the time the specialist surgeons arrive for work as well, so in case there are many complications to my operation the surgeons can call for backup, Ben explained.
And so 8am came, i was transferred to another bed and they wheeled me to the OT. Another problem arose, i drank Milo at 4am just now. They need to make sure my stomach is empty so that i don't vomit in the middle of the operation. So to be on the safe side, i was there in the OT waiting till 10am. 6hours minimum is standard from your last drink till the operation. While i was there staring into space, many nurse/surgeons/doctor came and look at my chart. One of them commented 'oh, dah bagi Pethidine, no wonder you're smiling.' Then i replied 'aduh, kalao tak bagi, dah nanggis la'.
10am, i was wheeled to the actually OT at last, i was previously just chucked in a corner in the waiting area for the OTs. I was in OT 9, if i remember correctly. Then the operation was going to start, a few asked if it was my first operation, i said yes. The pain was beginning to come back so i wasn't that worried about the operation not going well or anything actually. I just wanted the pain to go away. They then started the general anaesthesia . I tried my best to remember what it feels like, you know, you always see in movies and on tv, patients just blacking out and nothing else. I wanted to see what it feels like, i tried to everything while they started me on the air tube. You know what you see on tv? Well, it turns out, it's true. You really just get knocked out without recalling anything.

The next time, i woke up in the room, the time on the clock showed.. .. wah, can't remember.. .. .. around 11am maybe? So the operation itself took about an hour or so. Anyways, Ben had told me this, that i would wake in a room full of other patients all of whom had just finished their operations and were recovering from the general anesthesia. It wasn't that bad, i wasn't very disorientated. I could remember going in the OT. I was still on the oxygen mask when i woke up, guess what my first words were? Sadly, they were 'mau muntah' then a nurse came and took off the mask for a while and just as i started to volmit, she used something to suck away all the vomit from my mouth. The mask was put back on and i rested there for around 10minutes. In that time, one nurse talked to me and showed me my appendix. I couldn't see clearly without my spectacles, just saw bloody light brown mass in a small bottle. I haven't seen it since. The test results of the biopsy will be given early August. Roughly 10minutes, then i was moving to my ward for post-op.
I haven't mentioned which hospital it is. Well, it's the general hospital of Johor Bahru. The Sultanah Aminah Hospital. Thanks to Ben, i stayed in the officer's ward aka first class. So it had air-con and all.
Operation cravings. I have quite a few. Even till now, i still have them. They say you crave for things a food especially when you can't have them. That is so true.

My first craving was 15minutes after regaining consciousness and vomiting: water. It turned out that my stomach was not ready so soon after the GA(general anesthesia) to accept water. So i couldn't drink water.. .. The first 2 days post-op, i was on a 6 bottle x 250ml saline solution diet, with no water given orally. Needless to say, we lips were extremely dry. I could wet my lips with water though, just nothing to drink. I was basically a cripple post-op. The wound on my right is roughly 7-8cm wide. 11 stitches. It would hurt like mad if i tried to move a lot. Worst was when i needed to sit up from the lying down position, the pain was insane. More so when you tried to stand up. I felt the full force of it the first night when i needed to use the toilet. Walao.. after that, i didn't go to the toilet for 2 days. The pain!
20 years old. I never thought i would need my mom to help me when i needed the toilet. Sigh. Still such a dependent little boy. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I didn't like it at all but had no choice.
I had 3 pethidine shots after post-op. They helped me sleep through the night, through the pain.
After that horrific toilet experience, it took a mother, a sister, a bro-in-law and a good friend to finally conjure enough strength to walk to the toilet once more. One of my ward-mates even clapped when he saw me on my feet. Haha, that says something. I was actually quite the joke among the nurses, they were saying that women that delievered babies via C-section, some of them actually start walking the first day. Here i am, needing so many people rooting for me just to reach the toilet.

The fourth day, the day the doctors finally take a look my wound and a chance maybe for discharge. I desperately wanted the discharge really, not because i was all better, but i believed i was ready to start resting at home. That way, at least mom could rest more and do other stuff while i rested in bed or something. Thank the heavens. I was cleared for discharge Thursday morning. I got discharged thursday afternoon.
In case you didn't know, all these chaos was happening on the same week as my brother's wedding! So i really really really needed to get out of the hospital. That way mom can get things done and entertained some of the relatives and will be staying in our place.
Things weren't as smooth sailing as i had hope it to be, the transition from hospital bed to the house bed. I had diarrhea in the evening, the house bed isn't inclined as the ones in the hospital can be adjusted to, so sitting up and then standing and walking to the toilet was hard enough. Then you had the urgency due to the diarrhea somemore.. .. ..
I got very depressed really. The first depression episode.

After the craving for water, which was satisfied by the end of the second day post-op. My craving shifted to sugar. Anything sweet. I just wanted to feel glucose, fructose and all the other kinds of polysaccharides in my mouth once more. The simple answer to it? Ribena. The first thing i asked my mom went i reached home - ribena please.

Back to the depression, i was feeling very frustrated. Then realized it was probably my fault with the diarrhea. So i began to regulate my water and food intake since i wasn't eating for almost four days. Things slowly got better, the pain eased a little, i could walk longer disregarding the pain. Television and the anticipation for the wedding got me through the rest.

Saturday was the big day. I had been eating nothing but porridge for the past 2 days, and fruits of course. Porridge was on the menu again as i prepared to leave for church in the morning. Due to many last minute things to be done, i eat plain porridge in the morning, mom didn't have time to prepare anything else. Zzz.
Anyways, the star was to be my brother, Edwin. It is his marriage afterall.
So off to church i went. Everything went ok. There was buffet for lunch. Took some drinks, then Ben said i could take the BeeHoon, and so i had something to eat for lunch. There was the tea ceremony back home after that.
All in all, i managed the pain and the wound pretty well, so i would like to think. When everything was done, managed to get a nap of about an hour, then got dressed, ate porridge and off to the hotel we went. I wasn't going to eat anything apart from the shark's fin soup and the dessert. In the end, that how it things went.
Many concerned relatives and friends arrived for the dinner, many shocked and surprised with my abdomen/hip holding most of the time, until i explained that i had just undergone surgery 5 days ago. Like in the morning for church, i managed to get into my coat, which was nice. Though i look like an old man having a difficult time standing straight. I was pretty hunched throughout. Don't know why.
I was mistaken for my brother, the groom, 3 times. It was funny seeing people walking up and seriously taking i'm the groom and congratulating me. I think the suit made me look too formal. Haha. But i was the groom's brother, so i should be wearing a coat right?
All went well, and i was thankful.

I went home, feeling the pain in my wound. There was swelling around the wound, and it hurt when you pressed. I washed up and went to bed after some food.

Sunday. It was supposed to be the day to mark the start of my full recovery, with the removal of the stitches in my wound. Ben came over and removed them. 11 stitches. Very long 10 minutes. Some of them hurt more that others. I thought it was the beginning of the end of my recovery. Ben said however that the swelling might mean pus or blood. Neither was good. He told me that if it doesn't go away by itself, they may have to reopen the wound!!!! And let the pus/blood come out since the wound won't be healing with it around there anyway.
Reopening the wound. Walao, i was terrified of the potential pain already.

5minutes after the removal of the stitches, i notice an odd stench, a mixture of something you only find it toilet and vomit. Needless to say it was horrible. I began to sniff myself. OMG, it seemed to be coming from me. I went to the toilet and wash myself just to be sure. Then, after that, i sniffed myself again, strangely the smell seems to be still there.
Almost an hour later, Ben had left. i was sitting on the sofa, watching telly. Suddenly i felt liquid sliding down my side. I knew i was in trouble. I open my sarong, and i see the source of the smell and the liquid. My wound has become the outlet of the pus and it smell really bad. The pus was free flowing out from 2 points of my wound. Ben would later say, much to my horror, that it doesn't matter anyway since they would probably reopen my wound tomorrow when i go the hospital.
And so the pus came and came and came almost continuously for 3-4 hours. Use the toilet paper to clean whatever came out. Gosh, the smell was insane.
It started to settle a little around 10-11pm, no more continuous flow, just bursts off and on.

Went the hospital monday, to the surgical clinic. Waited quite a while for the doctor. Indian lady. She took a look at my wound, used a blade to cut roughly 5-6 stitches back open. (very scary stuff right? Didn't actually hurt that much). I was given a new antibiotic, taking the count to 3 in 2 weeks. Off to the nurse's office for dressing. And home it was.
Ben and sis came to change the dressing on tuesday night. I changed the gauze outside myself everyday since the pus was still oozing out from it. I was having fever now and then. Ben used a blade to open another few stitches again that day. (ouch again)
There was dried pus sticking to my flesh in the wound. Ben tried to remove it but couldn't, even with me bearing all the pain (no pain killers!). It was just too painful to do without proper tools.
So, i went to the hospital again on thursday, terrified about the pain i was going to feel when they attempt to remove the dried pus by scraping it off. Yes, that was the exact term they doctors were using. SCRAPING it off. You wouldn't have thought that they had some special term for medical use .. .. one that didn't sound so painful, heh.
Terrified, i was waiting for my turn for outside the nurse's office. Then Ben came, coincidentally, i think, the surgeon that did was operation was there was well. So for the first after the surgery, i see the person who cut me open. Ben told me that it was a chinese girl that did my surgery so i roughly knew who it was. Out of the many people, nurses and doctors and looked at my chart while i was waiting in the OT, i only remember one chinese, so it wasn't that difficult recalling. She was also the only one that spoke chinese to me. Heh. And she continued to do so now as well. Then i helped her out by saying, 'err .. .. you can speak english to me if you're more confortable'. And then she did. Yea, by now, i think i should mention that this surgeon of mine is .. .. .. .. very pretty.
Haha. And so she wanted to take a look at the wound. The wound was her work, should be normal things surgeons do, i guess. Anyway, looking at her eased the impending pain that was coming. Better than that, she gave me painkillers! She injected and started her scraping. No pain! Though i did see quite some blood coming out. She clean the wound later and dressed it.
The dressing they inserted to wound is the newer kind with nanotechnology and what not. Can last up to 3 days. So i didn't have to change the dressing everyday, just the stained gauze outside.

Then today (monday), i went the hospital again. Didn't see doctor tan though. It was just the surgical doctor on clinic duty. She looked at my wound, wanted to partially stitched it back. After cleaning, she had second thoughts and decide i should come back in a couple of days and see how it is then. So i was spared the pain today.
Also, Ben got me a photocopy of my operation report. Pretty cool, seeing something like this for the first time. There's a rough sketch of my intentines, diagnosis, procedure and plan and every.

So that's pretty much the story. I have a open wound near my hip. 8-9cm wide and 2-3cm deep. I actually haven't been able to see inside the wound myself. I'm just able to see the two pieces of seperated flesh.
2 weeks, usually, even for a perforated appendix, i should be already up and about. Unfortunately, due to the infected to the wound. I'm still in the recovery period. It happens with perforated appendix lo, your chances of wound infection is considerably higher than those not perforated. It may take up to another 2 weeks before i'm can go out again.. ..
Food-wise, i'm already back to solid food for about a week. According to western medicine, i can feast and eat all i want already, just be careful of constipation. However, yes there's a twist in the plot, TCM (traditional chinese medicine) says that there's a long list of food that i can't take. My mom's insistent. She says if i eat those things, i'll have pus flowing out again, itching and all the wind inside my stomach haunting me with pain for the rest of my life. So, currently, i don't take seafood and chicken. That's that. So guess what's on my craving list now - Roasted Chicken. It was torture when, during my bro's wedding dinner, the third dish they served came - roasted chicken. Argh, the smell was magnificent. Yet, i couldn't touch it.
Thus, the first thing i'm going to do when i completely recover, call my family and we all go to a restaurant for dinner. My treat. First on the menu will be - roasted chicken.
For some unknown reason, somewhere in that TCM cannot-eat-list is glutenous rice, meaning that i could eat bak-chang(肉粽) as well. Argh.

It blog entry has taken me 3-4 days. With the unruly computer that randomly restarts and randomly decides not to work, i guess that's what happens.
I started off with a tinge of resentment, to be honest. I was frustrated that i wasn't up and about yet. Basically, i was incarcerated. But, thankfully, i've moved past that (so i think) and am looking forward to the day i can eat roast chicken again. I've learn to live with wearing sarong for the past 2 weeks, I've heard to avoid sneezing. I'm taking the time reading books and all the usual stuff. This is my ultimate test of patience i guess. I don't know when i will be fully recovered. Word is that i can't do any exercise for 3months and lift heavy things.
I missed last weekend's class gathering plus dinner with the teachers. I haven't watched Ocean's 13, and i want to watch Hot Fuzz again on the big screen.

There are things that i am thankful:
i am thankful that i still manage to attend my bro's wedding.
i am thankful that i wasn't in singapore when my appendix perforated (think of all the trouble!! not to mention the cost)
i am thankful that i am still in my holidays and have sufficient time to recover (imagine the work i'd have to catch up if not)

Keeping the appendix perforation time fixed, it is a good thing that i didn't manage to get special term afterall, because my appendix was perforated the week they were having exams for special term1, so it's all a blessing in disguise that i wasn't allocated. Haha, walao, if i had got it, studied the whole term but missed the exam, lagi sien.
So, look at the positive spin on everything to stop yourself from sulking.
With the same reason, i would've missed the 女娲 trip to Taman Negara anyway. So.. .. too bad.
Same way, the trip to Pulau Redang i few of us were planning.

Here, i would like to apologize to the 女娲 people. 家诚 & 文琪 especially, for the last minute cancellation, personally i wouldn't mind rejoining as a SA and claiming the reported prize that 家诚 advertised on his msn, hehe. Sorry, i really want to join FOA. But with my current condition, must wonder how much i can participate. Apologies all around to Ziting, BaoJing (i thought of you when i was drinking ribena, haha), sijinn and the rest of the gang. Walao, now next year i'll be the forgotten senior.. .. .. i want to get to know the juniors leh. I want to be remembered, at least, known.

Wow, so bloody long. I guess the title long tale is quite aptly given eh? :D
Good also, just need to print and paste in my diary can liao, don't need to write.
The best thing to come after all this pain and everything?
I have one thing less to worry about.

If you have managed to read until here, either my writing must be extremely interesting, you were extremely bored with nothing to do, or you have extreme will-power. Either way, i salute you!

Friends, the next time you see me, give me a hug, won't you?

Children

2007-06-08T21:40:00.000+08:00

Addicted to: Travis - My Eyes.
Playing: Dream Theater - The Ministry Of Lost Souls.

Busy?
I don't know leh, time has been flying past me these days. I did manage to finish a book, Mitch Albom's - for one more day. Enjoyed the book actually, next up, tuesdays with morrie + five people you meet in heaven. If Dennis manages to find where there are. :p

And so the wedding is next week only. Wow. Despite the 4 months of time we had, it still comes down to some pretty last minute stuff. Wedding rehearsals in church, relatives arriving from other places and need to show them the way to the hotel and everything. The fun of being busy.
Let's hope everything goes fine.

Now, let me introduce my niece and nephew. Both my sister's kids. There are extremely fun to play with, but on their worst behavior, will create havoc that you can never imagine, lol.

There's Aidan. There's Megan

Aidan and Megan funny faces take1

Aidan and Megan funny faces take2

Both of them were taken care by my mom when they were around the ages from 1 to 5. The amazing time to watch children, i tell you. Megan, now 6, lives with my sis' in-laws when both her and my bro-in-law work. Aidan on the other hand, lives with my mom. Cute as they are at times, they are almost more than a handful when they become mischievous. Seeing them, i just realized how much parents sacrifice and the time, effort and infinite patience that they have while taking take of us. Walao.. really really scary stuff. Haha..
I remember something funny when Megan was around with my mom, it was when i was form3， morning session school, then after that, went home. As Megan would need afternoon sleep for babies. Mom would hum lullabies to her while i was in the living as well doing my homework. More often that not, the lullabies would put me to sleep before they got to her! Haha..

Sis and the kids were around for dinner just now. Ate, chatted. 3 weeks after correcting Megan on her writing of her chinese name, we just realized something from my 3rd uncle. My sister has been writing her chinese name wrongly, for the last 33 years! Hah. Both mom and dad were english educated. Mom's completely chinese illiterate, dad can read a little. Sis didn't have chinese ed, bro had 6, i had 12. SO, arguably, i had the best chinese in the family, comparatively speaking of course. People from my high school probably know how bad mine is. 学然后知不足，how true. Having said that, it was quite amazing actually for my brother and me. I often wonder how on earth did we survive primary school especially. We both probably didn't know a single word of chinese. Pretty incredible once you think of it that way isn't it. Then again, we both could speak Hokkien quite well, that helps?
After that, Megan started showing me how to do origami again. It was a crane (the bird, not the machine) . I've been learning since primary school? Then never remembered how to do it. Here i am, learning it from a 6 year old. Hah. After the paper crane, we went on to tulips. You see, my sis and bro-in-law went on StarCruise a couple of months back for their wedding anniversary. On the ship, there were people teaching origami, my sis learned the tulip and taught Megan. Two months later, Megan still remembers how to make tulips while my sister is a little rusty.

Then, mom was peeling pamelo. My sis and i were doing the origami along with little aidan with megan leading while sis tries recalling. After some brief huffing and puffing, we managed to make 4 tulips. All were given to mom. A little while later, mom peeled an orange for the kids. When they finished, it was my turn, i took another orange out from the fridge, then, Aidan asked 'who's going to eat that orange?'. Mom replied in Hokkien : tiang gia chut lai ei de tiang jiak la (translation: the one that took it out is the person eating it/谁拿出来的就谁吃啦). After a few tries, we tried to tell Aidan : kuku gia chu lai ei, kuku ai jiak la (translation : Uncle is the one who took it out and he wants to eat it la/舅舅拿出来的，舅舅要吃啦). The uncle referring to me by the way, in case you didn't know, i've been an uncle since i was 14. Haha.
So we'd all assume and Aidan understood what we were talking about. My mom always tries to talk to him in Hokkien, you see. He knows that ai is want, mai is don't want; si means yes and min si means no. We then asked him: kuku ai jiak, si, men si? (translation: uncles wants to eat ,yes or not?/ 舅舅要吃的，对不对？). Then after staring at all of us for a bit he went and said si (yes/对). We all felt somewhat satisfied. 2 seconds later, with that voice of pure innocence he asked in english: "So who's going to eat the orange?".
Hahahha. Everyone laughed. Kids say the cutest things.

Walao, type so much, sekali, come out, no one understands what the heck i'm talking about. That would be something. So people, leave a commment.

Cheerio.

Stranger Than Fiction.

2007-05-27T01:43:00.000+08:00

Addicted to: Travis - Closer
Playing: Aqualung - Strange and Beautiful.

Life's like a playlist of 30GB of music don't you think? That's something that i realized during my exam study period. In a playlist filled with 30GB of music, can you listen to them all and having them all leave a clear impression on you? I doubt. Life's like that. You meet people, friends, acquaintances, classmates, etc. All of them come and go. You have good friends, best friends that you often turn to, yet, every now and then, like a playlist on random, one song comes along, blows your mind and makes you think how have you been missing out on that song. It may not actually be the first time that you're listening to the song, but just that at that very moment, you realizes that the song is just... .. awesome. It works the same way with people you meet i guess.. you may think that he/she is just ordinary, but then, one fine day.. .. ..

Heh. Then again, maybe it's only me.

I'll be going back to singapore next week. Have to decide if i want to stream into either mechantronics or design. Otherwise, mainstream it is. Gosh, i dislike decision making really, let's just say being at crossroads isn't my favourite place to be. Not cut to be a leader then, just for now let's hope.
Zzzz. Which to choose?? Hmmm, unsettled, i am. My dearest roomie, weecent has chosen design.

Pirates of the Carribean : At World's End. I've been looking forward to this one, more than Spiderman 3 at least. Managed to watch it Wednesday night when they were sneak-screening(is there such a term?) it. The people selling popcorn were saying a 3 and a half hour film which got me excited! It turn out to be a 2 hour 45min film. Well, ok lo. No spoilers here but just a word of advice: Don't leave the cinemas when the credits start to roll!!!! There's a 20second clip after that. Nothing really, but still, there's just more, so don't rush off, and sue your cinemas if they cut it off early!!! Haha.

Stranger than Fiction. One of the better movies i've watched this holiday. Some say that plot was weak, i didn't think so actually. In fact, the plot was the thing that got my attention in the first place anyway.
If your life were a written in a book placed in front of you, would you read it?
Now now.. Before you go about say anything about 'choices vs predestination', kindly bear in mind that this is just a hypothetical question, and logic doesn't apply.
Pointless question up there, i've realized.

Fuzz: (informal) The police.
Hot Fuzz. A seemingly comedic british movie of late, watched it this past week. It's easily the best movie i've been in the holiday so far!! Highly recommended.

Bro has got in to NUS! Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences. Thank heavens. So it isn't NTU, but at least he's got a Singapore university liao. And as likes to put it "Got uni liao! Wah, still got future". I'd be extremely surprised if you didn't have one really. :p

My other brother, biological (lol, bro, need to refer you as Dennis next time la), is getting married next month, the 16th of June. Dad's thinking of letting me do the thank-you-speech during the wedding dinner. Eeek, wah, really scary stuff, let's see if it comes to that. Exciting preparation times ahead, loads to relatives coming as well.

TO you, whom still haunts my mind from time to time
MAking me ponder, wonder, linger
TOday, never forever

Cheers Darlin'

The Holidayz

2007-05-12T00:30:00.000+08:00

Addicted to: Damien Rice - Coconut Skins.
Playing: Rocky Votolato - Makers.
Weather: Rains when no one sees.
Readability: Holiday Movies.

Yo-ho everybody..

It's the holidays already. It took me a while but here i am. Heh, been enjoying the holidays, nothing much to do really, watch Dvds, movies, DotA. Life's good. Hmmm, will probably get some reading started soon too.

2 weeks before the exams, after my birthday especially, been doing the same routine every single freaking day. Wake up, turn on the pc, check mail a bit, soccernet, msn on with busy status, then start to study. Have lunch around 2, take half an hour to slack with the pc, then continue studying. Dinner at 8, come back study again. Go shower around 10, then finish the day off with more studying. That happens everyday. The same thing over and over, walao, it continue for almost 4 weeks, nearly lost my mind wei. Complelely lost touch with the date and day of the week lo. Just know when's the next paper and need to study, hah. Now, that might seem like a lot of studying, but truth be told time spent on attempting to study and the amount of knowledge that you manage to get into your brain are two very different things.
Honestly though, i would like to see how this semester's results turn out, not exactly because i worked extremely hard, but.. .. .. just because, really. On the other hand, i've been rather unmotivated at times. So, curious to see how things turn out. Hopefully anything like last semester or slightly better would be fine with me.

Enough about the boring stuff.
A month into being twenty, still pretty much clueless in the young adult life. 2 decades of breathing oxygen on the earth, you would think i'd be more sure of myself. But yea, still a few loose ends to tighten regarding the who i am and where i want to be department.

Went out with bro for the double movie day - Spiderman3 and Next. Spiderman3 was alright, this being the second time i'm watching it. The Peter Parker with 'attitude' is cool, J. Jonah Jameson saying 'thank you' is funny. Next, staring The Ghost Rider Nicholas Cage. I thought the plot was quite interesting.. a less than 2 hour show. Just when i was starting think that this may be a watchable film afterall, WALAO! It went OMGWTFBBQ-mode. Zzzz. I tell you, the whole audience went 'sien3 diao4' . For those of you who still feel like watching this show, let me quote the movie review from the star, "Well, some people may feel cheated by the movie's twist, but otherwise, it's a fun ride towards the end." Cheated?! It's a bloody outrage ar! lol. Argh, if only i had read the review earlier. Pfft.

I finished a Dvd earlier, after dinner (haha, i know, treble movie day!). It was The Holiday!
Heh, i know i'm like 5 months late and it's supposed to be a christmas romance film and all, but still.. it fitted the mood :p
Being a super sucker for love stories, i shan't even comment on this one, except that it was kind of fun, a little like love actually but the latter is just so much better. :D
The Jude Law character twist was nicely done i feel. Another film to add to the holiday love movie list.
To end this entry, i'll quote Iris (Kate Winslet's character) in the film's opening narrative: 'For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. '

I, for one, found that mildly amusing. =)

Delicate.

2007-04-21T18:19:00.000+08:00

Addicted to: Damien Rice - Delicate.
Playing: Mama Cass Elliot - Dream a little dream of me.
Weather: Apocalyptic!
Readability: Not my poetry.

It's 6.19pm in the evening. Lovely saturday. The weather's been apocalyptic these past days.. but i don't mind, in fact, i like this kind of weather, just as long as i'm indoors. This brings a good change from the usual bright sunny days.

Honestly, of all the things i should be doing now, blogging is definitely not one of them. Errggh.
Yet, i'm so unmotivated at the moment to study that.. .. well, i can't study，haha... Sheessh, it's so damn frustating knowing that you want and need to study yet.. feck. I blame physics i tell you. :p

Hmmm.. what should i rant about then? I want to write a poetic entry leh. But my english's not good enough to be a poet. My chinese is amazingly hopeless. Crap, i'm mediocre in both departments. If only i had better literature influences early on in life. Reading was such a pain when i was young. But now, i enjoy it really. One of the many ironies of life.

Luckily, i found an alternative. Enjoy the beauty, that is life. (wah, so chim like that... )

tiredness fuels empty thoughts
i find myself disposed
brightness fills empty space
in search of inspiration

so why do you fill my sorrow
with the words you've borrowed
from the only place you've known

cause nothing is lost
it's just frozen in frost
have i still got you to be my open door?
have i still got you to keep me warm?

and so it is
the shorter story
no love no glory
no hero in her skies

That aside, honestly going to force myself to study for the triple threat of computing , sex death and related social related processes, physics II that are coming for me beginning Monday.

About me..

2007-04-10T19:22:00.000+08:00

just killing some time.. before the exams kill me..

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Hmmm.. next post coming after exams. Thanks to all who sent birthday wishes :)

-

2007-03-30T23:58:00.000+08:00

Addicted to: Oasis - The masterplan
Playing: GnR - Don't cry
Weather: Varies as a function of time.
Readability: What it takes to keep going.

Hmmm, honestly it's time for focus on exam preparation, but here i am, writing my blog. :p Though i only have a few readers, even less who post comments. That's beyond the point. The semester's ending, and with that, exams!! Physics will be the death of me. Makes me wonder whether i'll have what it takes to make it through 4 years and an engineering life thereafter.

Me and zhuhong were chatting the other day, when suddenly the topic of 'love' sort of popped up. Then he concluded, 'love is stupid', not that he dislikes love but he was only commenting that the actions associated with love are often stupid especially when you look at it from a logical point of view. The things that you do and don't do in the name of 'love'. Heh.
Well, that may be true, i guess.
Afterall, if i may quote myself from my effective communication presentation this past tuesday, ' like most matters of the heart, it is rare that a logical resolution can be found'. Hah. Our presentation topic was 'cultural differences in interpersonal interactions and beyond'. The 'and beyond' part makes it sound somewhat cool no? Maybe it's just me. Hehe.
So yea, i guess love does make everyone do stupid things. Not that i would know myself.

Hmmm, have no idea why that topic came up.

Exams. 17th to the 27th. Already losing sleep over it. *shakes head*
I've realized that i only sleep soundly during the weekends. Other days, don't know why, very tired yet can't fall asleep. Crappy situation to be in really. It's the stress and pressure getting to me? Nah, don't want to look so weak. Not to mention i'm only in my first year. What stress?!

As always, things to look forward to after the exams: Harry potter 7 , Command and Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars, Shrek 3, Pirates of the Carribean 3.

Shrek3 and Pirates of the Carribean are self-explanatory. Both coming May and June.

Harry potter and the deathly hallows. This is too much. It's been what, an 8 year journey? And it's all coming to an end! Hah, told brother that i'd probably lock myself in the room without any foreign contact until i finish the book. Not that i want to finish the book asap, but rather i don't want people spoiling the book for me. Gosh, i'll really probably go mad if that happens *shudders*
The anticipation grew a notch when the covers were released:
UK children's cover
US children's cover
UK adult cover
Will probably be getting the UK children's cover one, then it'll complete the set. Ahhh. The adult cover looks quite nice too.

CnC 3 : Tiberium War.

Just eye candy for the avid gamer. Can't wait. There's also Sawyer from Lost, Dr Cameron from House MD, and a few other actors in the game too. Woot.

She looks better in a doctor's uniform..

Sawyer! When did you leave lost-island?! lol

Well, that's that. Last post before the exams. Let's hope i can focus on the preparation.
Task at hand task at hand task at hand... Focus.

Cheers people! :)

Cuteness

2007-03-20T23:59:00.000+08:00

After so many depressing and melancholic entries, i guess it's time for something on the brighter side of life.

A little preview so that everyones continues to read on, and just to melt girls' hearts. :)

I was browsing through bbc news headlines and yahoo news online as usual just now, ever since i've been deprived of my daily newspaper dose after being in singapore. Then this article came up.
Click me to read

The zookeeper, who has watched the hand-rearing of two animals, said Knut will find life intolerable once bars inevitably come between him and his carer.

"Each time his keeper leaves him, and he can't follow, he will die a little."

It just breaks your heart doesn't it? The poor thing got rejected by its mummy...
I want a polar bear for a pet !!

there there.. .. ...

2007-03-17T00:00:00.000+08:00

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no one hears you

U- smile

2007-03-15T21:08:00.000+08:00

U smile campaign. Organized by the students union. Argh, was rather unpleased with the fact that i had to help out with the whole thing being a member of the Survey Subcommittee under the Welfare Officer. Nonetheless, being the responsible man that i am, i went to help out with the predecorations just this evening anyway.

The campaign is basically simple. Promote smiling. Thank the 'unsung heroes', our toilet cleaning aunties, canteen waste disposal uncles, this and that. Your typical Singaporean courtesy campaign one might say.

Back to the point, today's (just now) decoration was fairly simple enough, put up pictures (showing people with smiling faces) everywhere in the north and south spine while people flow is huge to promote our campaign. Photos were distributed to us and off we went.

Suddenly i noticed something strange, there were familiar faces in the pictures! Then it hit me.. OH MY... it's pictures from Amicisa's 女娲 group! The excitement that came over me.. HAHA! It began to get stranger and stranger.. there were so many pictures from our group! It can't be!

Anyways, my point is, my fellow group members: photogenic and cute gals and handsome dashing guys, this is you photo-maniacs' dream!! You've gone public! Your pictures (i can tell you that i had no involvement in where they were being placed, i merely took noticed) are at the following places: 宇量 +思蕾, photo at first pillar when you walk out from canteen A outside LT1, backside of the pillar. 家诚+紫婷 outside LT2A . There's also 文祺,丽萍,舒馨,慧亨,淑玉,美薇+成哲,志豪+丽萍 also LT2A . Also seen were 彩霞 at the pillar's outside school of CEE. Hoho..

Have fun people, smile!! You're famous!
Cheers.
:)

Disclaimer: I had nothing to do with uploading the photos, the photo were printing by the students union and from another source, though after some thought, it became clear to me who that source was!